East to Weston (the Original)

monday, monday

2007-06-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

MAN, I'm tired today. Its 9:14, I'm at work ... and I think the only reason I haven't fallen asleep on my keyboard is the rather intense fear of embarrassment that would ensue ... with impressions of letters and numbers and the shift key all over the side of my face, drool leaking into the keyboard. Why am I so tired today? I didn't have an overly busy weekend (though I wasn't really home much). I was asleep by 10:30 last night. I actually started to wake up BEFORE the alarm went off at 5:40 this morning ... and yet I sit here at my desk wondering just how I got here. I don't remember showering, dressing, driving to work. And yet here I sit, my desk riddled with piles expecting me to make them smaller.

Could it just be that its Monday? I mean, Monday has always been a troublemaker. When you add to that the fact that I have to be up in the early morning, its sometimes a lethal combination. Could there be a worse time of the week than Monday Morning? I propose there is not.

I think I need to go get some coffee. Be right back.

Mmmmm ... that's better.

Experience has taught me the only really tried and true way to kick the Monday weariness is to get to Tuesday. I think Tuesday might be one of my favorite days of the week, simply because its not Monday, and it means Monday is another 6 days away ... the farthest away you can get from Monday.

But just what is it that makes Monday so ... Monday? I think a big part of it is I wish I had more weekend. Weekends are about rest, sleep, getting things done I don't otherwise have time to get done, tossing responsibility to the wind and staying up late, sleeping in late, reading magazines and watching movies. You see, Monday cuts my weekend shorter than I think it should be. By Sunday night I'm just getting into the groove of the weekend and then BAM! its 5:40 Monday morning and the alarm goes off and no matter how gently my husband tries to nudge me out of bed, I still consider him the meanest person I've ever known. (I'm so sorry! Its the sleep talking!)

The coffee (though decaf) is beginning to work its magic. Monday is now 9 1/2 hours over, and I have Tuesday to look forward to. As I begin to finally wake up, that thought alone is helping me push through the morning. Tomorrow I also intend to remember that Joel (my coworker) and I had made a decision last week to dress casual this week. I simply can't be expected to remember things like that on a Monday morning as I go through the motions, putting on my dress slacks and heels. But tomorrow, blessed Tuesday, I will remember. I can't wait to remember, and put on my jeans and tennies tomorrow morning, blissful in the knowledge that I survived yet another Monday, and I don't even have to face one for another 6 days. Yes, Tuesday promises to be happier ... I'm just sure of it.

so much activity

2007-06-12T20:07:00.001-07:00

Life has been pretty busy of late. Last week was one of the busiest I've had in ages. I had one free night in ten. Here's what I've been up to lately.

As you know, last weekend we had Caleb and Lindley staying with us all day Saturday and Sunday.

On Monday night I attended a shower for my friend Cori and her new baby Hailey.

On Tuesday night, Caleb and I went to an Angels game with Amy and her boyfriend Hans.

Wednesday night was our night at home, and we watched Blood Diamond.

Thursday night some of my friends and I went to a "Take N Bake," where we prepared meals for the next couple weeks, all in one fell swoop (we're eating them now, and they're really good).

Friday night we babysat Caleb's nephews in our home.

Saturday Amy and I spent the day shopping and setting up for Rachel's shower, and then we celebrated Julie's birthday Saturday night.

Sunday afternoon we threw Rachel her Lindley Family Bridal Shower, which was a blast.

All the things going on in the past week were definitely worthwhile and fun, but so far this week, I've spent most of my evenings sitting and staring at the wall. Sometimes the brain just needs a break, you know?

more pictures from the Aquarium

2007-06-08T21:45:00.001-07:00

I've finally posted the rest of the pictures from our weekend with Caleb and Lindley. Take a look!

the plight of Africa

2007-06-07T17:01:00.001-07:00

Last night Caleb and I watched Blood Diamond, a movie about the illegal diamond smuggling that goes on in Africa. It takes place during the violence of the 1999 civil war in Sierra Leone, with its brutal and senseless killings, forced slavery for the diamond mines, and kidnapped boys forced to join a war that seems to have no greater purpose than one group seeking to rule over another. There is corruption in all of it, corruption that leads all the way to the Tiffany store on Madison Avenue. It is a powerful movie, artfully depicting both the beauty and the horrors of life in Africa. The main characters are well developed, dynamic personalities, showing the realities of everyday life, each from a different walk of life, each doing what they must to survive in such a tumultuous place and time. The movie does a fantastic job of portraying a world we Westerners know so little about, and giving us a glimpse at the heart and soul of Africa. (The movie is rated R, mostly for violence. I only counted 4 or 5 instances of profanity, and there was no sex or nudity.)

The plight of Africa, its poverty and its genocidal wars, has only recently begun to make its way to the headline news in other parts of the world. And yet these horrors have taken place for decades, centuries. Lately we hear about Sudan and the brutality of the Janjaweed. More than 200,000 people have been slaughtered and millions have been displaced. All over Africa you hear about the aid coming from various countries that doesn’t seem to make it past the local warlords and corrupt officials. The movie Hotel Rwanda showcased the barbaric slaying of more than 800,000 Rwandans in a fight between ethnic groups. The HIV/AIDS epidemic is widespread. And these few notes in history don’t even scratch the surface of the profound poverty, disease and violence still a part of the continent today.

As movements like the One Campaign, and countless other, often celebrity-driven, organizations start to make Africa’s travails more public, I find myself confused about what to do. The pictures in the media are heartbreaking, and the stories of war, violence and other heinous crimes against humanity can leave me shaking my head in sadness at the depravity of it all. But how do you bring an entire continent out of its long history of tribal wars and poverty? How do you feed an entire nation adequately? How do you begin to teach the younger generations to break from their deep-seeded cultural norms, which for so many generations have done nothing but harm?

The questions can be overwhelming, and I admit that’s a bit how I felt after the movie last night. The problem seems insurmountable. And though I realize things will only change with time, change still seems so ... unlikely. And while I feel like its not OK to do nothing, I can’t help but wonder just what I CAN do. What can I do? What can you do? We can write a check to a reputable charity. We can support one kid through World Vision. We can pray. We can even go and help in various ways. These tokens of outreach often seem so … small. And yet there is definitely value in helping even just one.

I’m afraid today I end my note with only questions. If you have the stomach for movies like Hotel Rwanda or Blood Diamond (they are both violent, and very difficult to watch in parts), I do recommend them. If nothing else they give us a glimpse at life in another world. And I would invite you to share your thoughts on this profound world problem of our generation.

a weekend with munchkins

2007-06-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, while my cousin and his wife were in Seattle, we helped them out by taking two of their children in, Caleb and Lindley. Well, they kind of took us in, as we stayed at their house for the weekend. But did we have fun! On Saturday we took them to the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach, with lunch at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. After a long day out and about, we came back to the house for a movie, dinner and early bed time. Sunday morning we were up in time to get to church, and then we all went swimming at the pool in our condo complex. After just an hour or so, we were all pretty worn out. Not too worn out for Mr. Caleb and Caleb to play video games, but worn out just the same. Then back to their house for Pick Up Stix, a little cleaning and another movie. And then, once again, bed time came early, which seemed just fine by everyone. The pictures below tell the story a little better.

Amy joined us at the Aquarium. We picked her up at her apartment in Long Beach, and then she had to squeeze between the two booster seats in the back for the ride to the Aquarium.

Caleb, Amy and Lindley at the Aquarium.

Mr. Caleb (as we dubbed him, in order to tell the two Caleb's apart) pointing out the seals and sea lions to Caleb.

Lindley petting the various sea anemones and starfish in the petting pool.

Heidi, Mr. Caleb, Caleb and Lindley at the other side of the seal/sea lion pool.

In the pool on Sunday. Caleb enjoyed "surfing" on Mr. Caleb's back.

Maybe Lindley should always eat ice cream in a bowl.

summer wardrobe technicalities

2007-05-31T16:33:00.001-07:00

Yes, it is that time again. Time for pool parties, trips to the beach, and weather so hot it demands a general sloughing off of everything possible ... stopping just before becoming indecent. In Southern California, unfortunately, that line is faintly drawn somewhere just before total nakedness. This can make summer a trying time.

There are some decisions that are easy. For instance: What shoes do I wear? Flip flops. What about with a fancy dress? Flip flops with sequins. What about for an evening on the town? Flip flops in a funky color. I love flip flops. They go with everything, especially in casual So Cal. I have flip flops in every color, and tend increase my collection every summer.

Another easy decision ... What do I do with my hair? Pony tail. At the beach? Maybe pig tails ... or back to the pony tail. In drastic times, I chop my hair off in the summer. Why bother with having to even put it up when I can just cut it off? This option scares my husband, so I've assured him I will instead suffer through the 20 seconds it takes to put my hair up in a rubber band ... but still. You have to envy the girls who can carry off the super short hair cut (Dori, you are the envy of us all).

But the difficult decisions tend to come when dressing oneself between neck and feet. There is a wide gammut of options. A VERY wide gammut. What complicates it all is the desire, and even the pressure, to wear the latest cutest styles. Why is this complicated? Beyond the obvious financial impact of constantly updating your wardrobe, it can often be hard to find the latest cutest styles that match the modest conservative values some of us attempt to cling to. Finding stores, prices, and styles where these two apparently oxymoronic ideas lie usually requires some sort of magic trick (or my friend Kimberly, who is a master at sniffing out exactly the right things in every store ... but alas, she lives in Florida, so we're on our own).

Lately I've been shopping for bathing suits, and have hit a wall. This is one area the shopping fairies seem to avoid like the plague. Stylish and yet conservative bathing suits, ones fit for church pool parties, are nearly impossible to find ... anywhere. And when I DO find suits that fit the bill, they're usually between $99 and $150 ... and still a bit dowdy. I don't spend that much on jeans! I just bought a bridesmaid's dress for less than half of that! Its ridiculous.

I do love that longer shorts are in style. I can easily converge my desire for stylish with my need for coverage. (My other fashion faux pas of Southern California summers is the innate inability to tan, so in an effort not to blind the general public with my snow white skin, I try to keep my shorts long.)

I am actually very much looking forward to summer. Warmer weather means not having to put shoes on that require tying laces, not having to grab several layers of clothing or a warm jacket. It means cute hats to block the sun. It means lots of cotton clothing, fun skirts and tank tops (after we've scoured the malls and stores for long enough skirts and tank tops with bigger than spaghetti straps). The shopping for summer clothes might be a hassle, but the season itself is a lovely time of year. Now, if I can just find that perfect bathing suit, with the perfect board shorts of course, I'll even make it through those 3-4 weeks of intense heat somewhere in August. (Kimberly, care for a trip to LA to go shopping??)

Happy Summer all!

Proverbs 3:1-12

2007-05-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

Leaning on my own understanding, wisdom, knowledge, experience ... is so easy to do. Most of the time I can keep myself out of big jams and can even figure out complicated problems. But lately, I am continually being reminded of the great folly of leaving God and HIS wisdom out of the equation. I think there is great danger when we believe our own wisdom to be sufficient, even better, than God's. These twelve verses in Proverbs have reminded me of the importance, the necessity, of leaning on God's understanding, trusting his wisdom and guidance. Perhaps they will do the same for you.

1 My son, do not forget my teaching,
But let your heart keep my commandments;

2 For length of days and years of life
And peace they will add to you.

3 Do not let kindness and truth leave you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart.

4 So you will find favor and good repute
In the sight of God and man.

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.

6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.

8 It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones.

9 Honor the LORD from your wealth
And from the first of all your produce;

10 So your barns will be filled with plenty
And your vats will overflow with new wine.

11 My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD
Or loathe His reproof,

12 For whom the LORD loves He reproves,
Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.

one way to spend a weekend

2007-05-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

For some reason, the thing I remember most clearly from that morning is the time on the clock. It was dark in the room, Caleb was sound asleep, the pain consumed me, and yet I took a moment of clarity to memorize the digital message: 3:43 a.m. Too early to be up. Why am I up? And then as I became more lucid, I was suddenly extremely aware of the intense pain in my back.

Oh no, say it isn’t so. The last time I felt pain like this it was a … but it can’t be, I don’t want it to be. It may have been 14 years ago, but I remember that pain, and it was really bad. I really didn’t want to do that one over again. But, though I try and deny it, but this was exactly the same kind of pain.

It took only moments to move from denial to acceptance. Kidney stone. And that means only one thing: emergency room. NOW.

The stupid things are measured in millimeters. MILLIMETERS! And yet they cause pain that most who’ve experienced them describe as “the worst pain I’ve ever felt.” How does something so small cause so much turbulence? And more importantly, how do I stop it??

Well, my groaning woke up Caleb, and within about 10 minutes we were dressed and on our way to the emergency room at St. Jude’s. I think we were there by a little after 4 a.m. They made me answer some questions, sent me to pee in a cup, and eventually gave me a room, with a warm hospital gown and a warm blanket … and best of all, pain medication. Ah, sweet relief was on its way!

They drew blood, started me on an IV, and gave me the first dose of pain meds. Then the second dose. Then a third dose to help with the nausea often induced by the second dose. People came and went from the room … the nurse with the pain meds, the doctor assuring me they’d check me out, the guy taking the blood sample, and then the guy who wheeled me to the CAT scan room. His name was Michael. Another thing I remember clearly. The CAT scan was how they determined that it was, indeed, a kidney stone. Caleb got to watch the digital pictures of my insides with the CAT scan tech. He thought that was cool. I just wanted more pain medication … which they gave me after I was wheeled back to my room.

That fourth dose of meds took the last of the lingering pain away, and left me feeling warm and fuzzy all over. But it also left me extremely woozy. By about 6:30 they released me from the hospital, and into a weekend of more pain and extreme nausea. I spent all day Saturday and Sunday unable to keep any food down, feeling pretty miserable. By late Sunday night the nausea finally abated, and I was able to eat a piece of bread. I’ve never been so excited for a piece of bread in my life. I spent Monday and Tuesday recovering from Saturday and Sunday, mostly eating and sleeping, and by Wednesday morning was back at work. Although, I only made it until 12:30.

Today is Thursday. I still haven’t passed the stone, but for some reason am not feeling much pain. So I’m medication-free for the time being. I suppose I could have passed it without knowing, but I’m pretty sure that hasn’t happened. And I’m dreading that now-familiar feeling of the pain returning, reminding me of the slightly-larger-than-a-piece-of-sand sized stone wreaking havoc within me.

They say men call kidney stones the worst pain they’ve ever felt, while women tend to liken them to childbirth. My aunt, whose had both, always said she preferred childbirth, because at least when it was over she had something to show for it. I’ve never given birth, so I stick with the men for now and simply call it the worst pain I’ve known. And maybe I’ve proven I’ll make it through childbirth some day.

I guess today I just say thank God for prescription narcotics, warm hospital blankets and the most patient and caring husband a woman could ask for. I don’t know what I would have done without them.

weight loss update

2007-05-17T11:09:00.000-07:00

Weight loss has to be one of the hardest endeavors I have ever undertaken. There is just no easy way around it, if I want to lose weight I have to constantly eat the right things, and I must exercise … regularly! And being as how I still have about 25 pounds to lose, still more than half my original goal, I sometimes look at the road ahead with a sense of profound weariness. I find my motivation waning, my enthusiasm dissipating. I’ve already been at this so long, and I just want to be finished.

In the last two months I lost all of three pounds, one of which I gained back over a weekend I decided to eat chocolate chip cookies like they were just chips.

I suddenly realized my whole plan was under attack. I was still working out in the mornings, but skipping more days than I really should have. And I was cheating more and more with foods I should have been saying “no” to. Slowly but surely, though for the most part I wasn’t gaining anything back, I was no longer losing.

I think there are a couple factors contributing to my current plateau. One, I’m a little tired of all the early morning exercising and the daily denial of things I want. Two, I’ve had to toss half my wardrobe already, indicating some real success in the past several months … and I started really enjoying how much I’ve already lost (nearly 20 pounds … nothing to shake a fist at, I realize). My satisfaction with what I’ve already done began to overshadow the need to lose any more. And three, selfish desires and a loss of vision just plain took over.

But I don’t want to settle for half way! Especially when I KNOW I can do this. So, I’m revamping. I’m ready to attack this goal again, its time to get back to regular weight loss. At the rate I’ve BEEN going, I wouldn’t reach my goals until 2010, and that is simply unacceptable, Soldier!

Whoa, sorry.

Anyway, I’ve done it once already, so there’s no excuse to thinking I couldn’t do it again. If I lost 20 pounds once, why can’t I do it again? No reason, I say. No reason at all. Besides, its time to push on and get myself to the true finish line.

My reasons now are borne more out of frustration and an overwhelming desire to just be DONE with the weight loss part of my life and get onto weight maintenance. Maintenance is not simple, but it’s sure easier than loss. Loss requires harder exercising and more restrictive eating. Maintenance allows for a few more treats here and there, and I like treats.

So I made a plan for myself, an ambitious plan. I want to be done by September 1. If I lose 1.5 pounds a week until then, I’ll be there. I’ll be at my goal. Yes, its ambitious. But I’ve already proven to myself that when I’m focused and determined, I CAN lose that pound-and-a-half a week! I CAN! And the sooner I get it done, the sooner it will be … well … done. And the vision of myself a few sizes smaller, the one I see so clearly in my mind’s eye, will be a reality. Look out Brea Mall!!

This is my first week back on strict weight-loss habits. I’ll let you know how it goes.

China gone digital ... finally

2007-05-12T22:22:00.000-07:00

I have finally gotten around to scanning a bunch of my pictures from my years in China ... yes, days BEFORE digital! I've only just started uploading the pictures I scanned, but if you're interested in taking a look at what I've got so far, click here. I'll also put a link on the "bookmark" at the right. More to come!

on wisdom

2007-05-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 1:1-6 “The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel: To know wisdom and instruction, to discern the sayings of understanding, to receive instruction in wise behavior, righteousness, justice and equity; to give prudence to the naïve, to the youth knowledge and discretion, a wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel, to understand a proverb and a figure, the words of the wise and their riddles.”

I have to admit, I wasn’t in church on Sunday. My excuse is a good one … I was in Sequoia National Park with Caleb, celebrating our first anniversary (see previous blogs). Normally I wouldn’t even mention it, except that this week Pastor Rick started a new series in Proverbs, and I’m pretty excited about it.

Though I wasn’t in church Sunday, I was at Bible study last night, and we had an opportunity to discuss the first chapter in Proverbs for ourselves. I suppose I could go to Proverbs any time I want, I don’t have to wait for the pastor to begin teaching on it. But, I haven’t. And besides, I love good discussion over the Bible, especially a book so full of profound wisdom.

Wisdom: it’s the theme of much of the book’s 31 chapters. When it’s not talking about the importance of wisdom itself, its sharing profound wisdom through simple insight and instruction. It’s interesting to me how simple a thing wisdom seems to be to describe, and yet how difficult a thing it is to attain … and how few people seem to be truly wise! Most wise people, truly wise people, have spent a lifetime becoming so.

I greatly desire wisdom in my life. And though I have some ideas on what it requires, I look forward to further study, knowing it will teach me so much I don’t know.

Today I find myself musing over my initial observation of wisdom: its reliance on humility. I don’t believe you can have the one without the other. If we are proud, and positive that we already have all the answers, then there is no room to grow or learn, and we remain stuck in our very small box of human knowledge and experience. But if we are humble, and admit to ourselves and others that we don’t have all the answers, there is room for our understanding to grow. Caleb described it well in saying the fool has a very small, narrow and short-sighted view of the world, whereas the wise person sees the bigger picture, and the long-term.

Also, the wise thing is not always the popular thing, or the easy thing, and sometimes only a humble person, who does not care much how others view him, can even follow through with what they know to be right and wise.

I recently read an article by an educator who said, “Education, gives us the privilege to change our minds” (or something to that effect). I found this simple thought so profound (which is probably why it stuck with me). And I think its linked closely with wisdom. Wisdom pursues knowledge, pursues righteousness, and never assumes it already knows the answer. A wise man is willing to entertain ideas and seek knowledge he does not already know, and is humble enough to change his mind, should the evidence demand it.

I think my dad is a great example of wisdom in daily action. He never accepts the status quo or the assumed answer to be correct. He always has to go out and find the answer for himself. It’s actually a bit annoying sometimes. I will share something I’m sure I know is true, and he will invariably ask me, “How do you know that? Did you do the research?” Sometimes I have, oftentimes I haven’t. I’ve become very careful about what I declare as hard-and-fast truth in front of him … at least until I have corroborative evidence. And I’m slowly but surely learning this lesson in my life in general. Whenever I’m presented with new information, or a new way of thinking, I try and remember to seek out the truth from several sources, and see if it matches.

The practice seems simple, and yet I know very few people who come at life that way, with so many questions, and yet without a hint of cynicism or pride in their tone, which is key. It is simply humility of the mind and heart seeking truth.

There are so many myriad facets to the virtue of wisdom. Today I have barely scratched the surface, even in humility’s relationship with it. I look forward to further probing all that Proverbs has to teach me, as well as further exploring wisdom.

a year ago right now

2007-05-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

Last year at this time, Caleb and I were on our honeymoon in Banff, Alberta, Canada; where we got caught in a blizzard on a glacier! OK, it wasn't really a blizzard, but for us Southern Californians it might as WELL have been a blizzard. I was as unprepared for the weather then as I was this weekend in Sequoia (note the tennies I'm wearing and the attempt to warm my head with my hooded sweatshirt). Sequoia was supposed to be "75 and sunny" but was actually "37 and snowing." Its funny how life repeats itself. I bought a gift shop sweatshirt so I could have another layer of protection against the unseasonably cold weather.

Its weird to think we've just celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary. Does that mean I can't use wedding pictures for gifts anymore?!! And supposedly our "newlywed" excuse is over. But I'm going to buck that arbitrary rule ... I still FEEL like a newlywed.

Our whole four days of vacation were great. We rested, we hiked, we watched movies and ate too many sugary treats. We even stopped at the outlet center in Tulare and did some shopping on our way home. Considering the next couple months are going to be pretty busy ones, the lazy weekend was not only re-energizing, I think we'll find it to have been quite necessary for our very sanity . We have another four-day excursion planned for Labor Day weekend ... so hopefully the rest and relaxation from this trip keeps us going through the summer ... until we can get away again.

Is it wrong to look at life as a series of getaways and vacations? Of course, the in-betweens are the necessary evils in order to make getaways possible (work mostly). Of course, some would argue its the in-betweens that make the mini-vacations so enjoyable and memorable. So maybe things are already set up as they should be. Anticipation is half the fun, right? So now I find myself eagerly anticipating our 3-night, 4-day excursion to the Eastern Sierras in early September. You know, even as I start thinking about it now, the anticipation and the planning IS fun! (Though I'm not quite sure its exactly half the fun .... )

Once again, for more pictures from our weekend in Sequoia, click here.

pictures from Sequoia

2007-05-08T11:30:00.000-07:00

There's still quite a bit of work to do on some of these photos, and I haven't edited the number of tree pictures down to the few best ones (so there's a lot right now), but here are pictures from our trip to Sequoia. We had SUCH a good and restful trip. I don't really even mind being back at work today. Have fun browsing pictures, and I'll fill you in more later on just how the rest of our trip went (it DID eventually warm up!).

Sequoia, May 4-7, 2007

sequoia surprise

2007-05-04T21:03:00.000-07:00

I checked the forecast the other day, in order to know how to pack for our getaway weekend in Sequoia. I based all my packing on it’s information, information that said this weekend would be warm and sunny. I packed tank tops and a skirt, wore flip flops in the car, and didn’t even grab a sweatshirt for “just in case.” However, on arriving in the mountains of Sequoia National Park, I did not find 75 and sunny as had been predicted. Oh no. I found fog. LOTS of fog. The curvy road up the mountain was shrouded almost entirely in clouds, sometimes so thick we couldn’t see more than 50 feet ahead of us. And by the time we reached the lodge where we’re staying, it was actually snowing. SNOWING! It was cold, and it was … SNOWING!

Fortunately, I did bring shoes other than flip flops, and I did bring a jacket. Though if we find a decently priced sweatshirt in the visitor center tomorrow, I just might have to buy it. I’d rather be out thirty bucks than cold and miserable all weekend. But we’ll see, maybe tomorrow the weather will read its own report and realize how wrong it was, and adjust accordingly.

At any rate, we’re here. We’re in Sequoia, and despite the unexpected weather, its truly beautiful. What I love so much about the forest is how lush and green it is. And right now there are spring flowers blooming everywhere. Even as we gaze up at the tall trees (the tops of which we can’t see right now, on account of the fog), the forest floor is carpeted in yellows and purples. We’ve already seen two sets of deer today, feeding on the forest’s bounty. The woman who checked us in to our room said the bears have been really active too, so I’m kind of hoping we get to see one of them, albeit from far away.

Having just been in Death Valley two months ago, I can’t help but notice the stark contrast between a place like this and the desert. The desert is painted monochromatically in browns and tans, the forest in various shades of green, dotted with an abundance of wildflower colors. The desert is dry and hot and windy, the forest is wet, and most of the wind and sun are blocked by the density of the trees. Where everything in the desert that grows can only get knee high, here in the forest we’re among some of the world’s tallest trees, the Sequoia. And yet, both places have a distinct beauty all their own, each to be appreciated for their uniqueness.

What these two places DO have in common is their grandeur. The desert is wide open and vast, and full of its own mystery (how DO plants survive in a climate that sees ¼” of rain a year?). The forest is dense with plant and animal life, not to mention trees that seem to break all the rules of life span and height requirements. Whether it’s the desert or the forest, God’s hand is most definitely evident. And I find myself in awe of his creativity, having created both places, both climates, the lives that survive and thrive in each. The differences are extreme, and yet the same things can be experienced in both … an awe of God, an ability to breathe easier as you take in the beauty that surrounds you, and of course … vacation!

We got up at 5 this morning, on time believe it or not. We were actually in the car and driving away, figuring we had everything we needed, by 6:00 a.m. (not knowing we’d need mittens, scarves and skis). Our only stops were the bank and the gas station, and then we were on our way. We hit almost NO traffic … perfect. By the time we got to Grapevine, that growing little metropolis at the bottom of the other side of the Grapevine (they’re even building an In ‘N Out!) we were hungry, a worthy excuse to stop at Starbucks, where we got breakfast and coffee. Mmmmm. We didn’t stop again but for gas in Tulare. We arrived at the lodge by noon. After checking in, we ate an overpriced lunch in the lodge, and then got ourselves settled in our room … at which time, we both promptly fell asleep. (One of our goals on this trip is to rest and relax as much as possible, so a long nap fit perfectly into our plan.)

As I write, its about 6:45, and Caleb is out taking pictures. He’s been out there for about 45 minutes, as the fog seemed to have lifted a bit. Although, as I look out the window now it does seem to be coming back. Oh well, its perfect weather for a nice cozy evening INSIDE watching movies and eating too many homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Caleb’s back from his adventure, so tata for now. I’ll check in again soon.

The Known World

2007-05-03T15:04:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading a book by Edward P. Jones called The Known World. It has to be one of the most fascinating books I’ve ever read. The fascination lies in its unique setting, as well as its unique storytelling. First of all, the novel takes place in the South in pre-Civil War times, and follows the lives of a black landowner who owns black slaves. Second of all, the writing style is the most tangential I’ve ever read, where single paragraphs will begin with a boy and end 30 years later with his wife’s aunt. And yet, as tangential as the writing tends to be, the story is very fluid, I was never lost, and I don’t believe a single word is wasted or unimportant to the overall story.

The story mostly follows the life of a former slave, Henry, whose parents bought him out of slavery when he was a child. He grows up to own land himself, and eventually buys his first slave from the man who once owned him. This first slave, Moses, becomes the overseer on his plantation. In just several years time the plantation flourishes, Henry marries, and he owns more than 20 slaves.

But in his early 30s, Henry dies, leaving his wife behind to run the plantation. She ends up entrusting much of the responsibility to Moses, and from there the story takes a number of turns, mostly resulting in everything falling apart. There are other key characters in the story, including the sheriff; Henry’s former owner, Mr. Robbins; Henry’s freed parents; and the other slaves on the plantation. As Mr. Jones weaves his tale, the deepest and basest parts of our most common human traits are manifested in the various characters and the parts they play.

Another part of what makes this story so fascinating is that it is far from being wholly about racism. This is seen most clearly in the character of Henry himself. He’s just trying to make his way in the world, and as he attains wealth, owning slaves becomes a part of life, just like any other wealthy landowner in the South. Its just the way things were done. Slavery is not so much a white/black issue as it is a human heart issue.

I encourage you to read this novel if you get a chance. It really is extremely well and uniquely written, eloquently tackling a topic I imagine few authors would even attempt.

The Known World by Edward P. Jones

the nail salon

2007-05-02T07:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday after work I took myself out. I went to Queen Nails, one of my favorite local nail salons, for a mani/pedi. It had been a while since I'd pampered myself so, and with the weather warming up, I've been wearing flip flops and sandals, and inadvertently showing off BARE TOENAILS! I'm surprised I haven't been heckled by strangers on the streets. It was definitely time to do something about this fashion faux pas, and besides, I love being pampered in a nail salon. I get my feet and legs massaged, my heels cleaned up, my toenails cut and shaped and painted pretty colors. And the same goes for my hands and fingernails. Its a glorious way to spend an hour.

I went to Queen Nails by myself last night, and couldn't help but observe the life of the nail salon. For some mysterious reason, the average nail salon is run entirely by Vietnamese women. These women are sweet, and do wonderful work. They're in the happiness business, they make me happy by making my toes and fingers happy.

My favorite thing about the nail salon is listening to all the Vietnamese being spoken between all the women, as they happily file and paint away on their customers' extremities. And then there are the customers, women who haven't a CLUE what their manicurists are talking and laughing about. But it doesn't seem to matter, every women leaves there happy and fulfilled, no longer caring if all they were being gossipped about.

There's a hilarious video on YouTube that paints a perfect picture of a nail salon experience. I invite you to watch Anjelah Johnson describe it perfectly.

hope for the rich young ruler

2007-05-01T18:15:00.000-07:00

The Rich Ruler: Luke 18:18-30

A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.'"

"All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said.

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth. Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

Those who heard this asked, "Who then can be saved?"

Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."

Peter said to him, "We have left all we had to follow you!"

"I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."

I have recently been reading through the book of Luke, mostly in an attempt to get to know Jesus again. With all the things we can study and learn about, sometimes I find myself far removed from the person of Christ, the Lover and Savior of my soul. And so I go back to the gospels and I read them like a novel. I like the story of Jesus, from virgin birth to ministry to death and resurrection and the promise to be with us even as we wait for his return. Spending time with Jesus is good for my soul.

I know this story of the rich ruler, its a story we all know well. This time however, I was struck by two things in particular. First: the ruler's sadness. It shows the true state of his heart, which Jesus knew full well. I don't think he was quite prepared for what would be required of him. And so Jesus puts before him the most difficult dilemma this man could face. But second: I am struck by Jesus' response. Yes, he might as well pull a camel through a needle if he's going to try and follow God on his own. But Jesus ALSO says "what is impossible with men is possible with God."

Though the Bible tells us nothing more about the rich ruler and whether or not he chose to forsake his wealth and follow Jesus, the point is that he could, if he wanted to ... he just needed to trust that God could do amazing things for him and through him. On his own, he'd have so sew with camels. With God, those sewing needles would be 15 feet tall and the eye 10 feet wide for the camels to walk through five at a time.

Sometimes I wonder what I've written off as impossible, things God wanted to do for me or through me. What am I allowing to get the better of me? What continues to defeat me that God wants to help me conquer? Or what leaps of faith do I not take, simply because I forget that NOTHING is impossible with God?

make him an offer he can't refuse

2007-04-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

This weekend Caleb and I watched the first two Godfather movies (as we all know, the third is only worth watching for the moment when Michael Corleone, utterly alone in the world, dies and falls off the chair he was sitting on). Anyway, I would just like to take this moment to say that I am supremely glad that I am not the daughter of, wife of, or even friend of, the head of a mafia family.

That being said, the movies are brilliant, and if you don't mind a little bloodshed in the name of family, I can't help but recommend them.

a change in the routine

2007-04-25T07:41:00.000-07:00

As you know, Caleb and I get up early most mornings to head to the gym and work out. And as you know, I pretty much hate it every morning. By the time I'm all the way awake, about 45 minutes later, I'm usually glad that I was unwillingly pulled out of my nice cozy bed and happy sleeping. There are mornings I choose to sleep instead of go the gym, and even though the sleep is happy and my husband has an abuse-free morning, I usually end up missing the morning work out. Though I hate to admit it, its invigorating, energizing, and gets my day started off with a spurt of energy I wouldn't otherwise have.

Well, thanks to Daylight Savings, and longer days in general, we decided it was time to change up the morning routine a bit. Also, we have this big hike coming up in September, and we simply need to be out training for that. So this morning, instead of driving to the gym, we hiked up the hill behind our home, all the way up to the water reservoir. Its a pretty solid uphill hike, and takes about 25 minutes to get there. We have to walk along the street for about 7 minutes before we reach the trail head, but once we leave the road and the sound of the passing cars (not that many at 5:55 a.m.), it was nothing but Caleb and me and the trail.

It was too early for the sun to have actually popped up over the horizon, but it was light enough to turn the sky a light blue and the few wisps of clouds various shades of orange and pink. It was crisp and cool, but not too cold. As we walked up the rolling hills there were bunnies crossing back and forth across the path, spring flowers here and there to be admired, and enough chirping birds to rival the sounds of the road below. It was perfect.

As we climbed and my heart started pumping, I felt more awake than I usually do at that hour. There is just something rejuvenating about being out in the open, walking on real ground instead of manufactured machine rubber. Up at the water tower, the highest point on our little neighborhood hike, slightly out of breath, we could see for miles in every direction, even faintly picking out the skyline of L.A. Its a great little view.

As the responsibilities of the day began calling, we headed back down and home, the whole trip taking no more than 45 minutes. Of all the early morning workouts I've endured over the past six months, this has by far been my favorite. We're going to start doing this a little more regularly, not only in preparation for the upcoming Mt. Langley hike, but just to start the day by enjoying the great outdoors.

Joy & Happiness: Cont'd

2007-04-20T07:25:00.001-07:00

Several days ago in church, our pastor spoke on the difference between Joy and Happiness. This being such a key theme in my life lately, I sat in rapt attention. And then on Wednesday night, at Bible study, we had a chance to expound a bit, discuss, and take it a little more to heart. And today I find myself still full of swirling thoughts on the subject, thoughts that simply need a place to land so I can put some kind of order to them.

As Pastor Rick pointed out, we in this country consider the pursuit of happiness our right. And pursue it we do, often with a vengeance, and often to our detriment. We seek money and fame and beauty and significance and acceptance and belonging, all in the pursuit of happiness. Now, I don’t think the pursuit of these things is necessarily wrong or bad. But I do think we each need to search our souls to discover what truly makes us happy. I did an exercise earlier and wrote a list of the things that make me happy ... and by and large they didn’t involve most of the things advertised as happiness makers. (See my previous blog entry.) I think it is a good exercise for anyone, to think through the things that truly bring a smile to your face.

The bottom line here is that happiness is largely based on our circumstances. When I’ve had enough sleep, I’m happy. When Jack Bauer comes on Monday nights to save the world yet again, I’m happy. When I’m eating chocolate, spending time with my husband, taking a long nap on a cold day ... I’m happy. Happiness is wound around and throughout my personality, my gifts and talents, my desires and hopes and dreams.

But Joy ... Joy is an entirely different beast, if you will. Joy comes from a much deeper place, the very core of our beings. Joy is not based on who’s made it through another round of American Idol or the weather, my health, how busy Disneyland is or how tired I am. Its not dependent on the color of my walls or how clean my house is, whether I had a fight with my husband or got stuck in traffic to and from work. Joy is something that reaches beyond these things, beyond the physical world around me and, ideally, beyond my own emotions and feelings. And yet, I would hypothesize that even more than happiness, joy is more attainable than happiness (well and it's a command, so its hard to get around pursuing it [see I Thess. 5:16]).

Joy is inextricably tied to my relationship with God. A relationship that of late, honestly, has waned in its dedication. Lately I have found myself longing for Joy, for something to transcend my circumstances, the ins and outs of everyday life, and put a smile on my face and a peace in my heart. This week’s discussion of joy and happiness has finally brought this unsteadiness of heart and mind to the forefront, and forced me to look it full in the face.

Fortunately, a few reminders have been placed before me during this week's discourse that in and of themselves have brought a renewed sense of Joy, and with it, Peace and Happiness. The verse that spoke most clearly to me last night at Bible study was Psalm 100:1-3 “Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful singing. Know that the Lord Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; we are His people and the sheep of His pasture.”

There are three basic truths that, when known to be true, I believe can bring a profound sense of Joy to our lives.

1. Serve the Lord with gladness. There is Joy in knowing that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I am following the path he set before me. And, whether the day is good or bad, I know I am where He wants me to be, and there is peace and joy in that knowledge.

2. Know that the Lord Himself is God. He is God. He is good. He is powerful. He is omniscient and present in my life. When we remember what an awesome God we serve, and take pleasure in that, there is Joy.

3. We are his people and the sheep of his pasture. I am a child of God, he will not let me fall or stumble, he will not only guide me but hold me up when I need it. And, perhaps most importantly of all, my future is secure. I have a hope that surpasses any hope on this earth, a hope that is certain. When I rest in that hope, there is fullness of Joy. How can there be anything else?

And so as I pursue Joy, I find myself meditating on these three things: knowing that I am where God wants me to be; that I serve an all-powerful and knowing God, a good God; and that I am his child, and my eternity is secure.

May you find Joy today as you also meditate on these things. And thanks to Pastor Rick and my Bible study group for helping me make complete sentences out of the swirling words in my head.

things that make me happy: an exercise

2007-04-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

This past week we've been talking a lot in church and Bible study about the difference between Joy and Happiness. The easy one to nail down is Happiness. Happiness is largely dependent on my circumstances, which in some cases, I can control. So, I thought I'd do an exercise, and just bring to mind the things that make me happy. Even as I begin thinking about these things, its hard not to smile.

This is the Chinese character for "double happiness," used for weddings and entrances to homes. You might notice there are two identical characters standing side by side. One character alone is the word for happiness, "xi" (pronounced "shee"). The two together are "xuang xi," or "double happiness" ... twice the happiness, and a fitting word for today's thoughts.

Following is a list of some of the things that foster happiness.

Sunny days that hover at around 72 degrees, with a slight breeze that blows my hair around

Friends’ new babies … there is definitely something awesome and precious and miraculous and wonderful about bringing a new life into the world (Congrats again to Carlynne, Darcy and Cori [pictured] … looking forward to Donna’s and Alicia’s!)

Coffee … first the scent, and then the flavor … especially good with a little chocolate and peppermint mixed in

Chocolate … in just about all its forms, but especially in the form of Harry & David truffles … dark chocolate and mint flavors

Sleeping in

Long naps on a chilly day in a warm bed

Fresh cut flowers brought home by my husband for no other reason than he felt like it

A clean house

That sense of perseverance and accomplishment AFTER I’ve worked out in the morning

A full, busy day at work, where I felt needed and important

Death Valley … with its big sky, miles of dirt roads and abundance of life, despite the harsh conditions, its one of the few places in the world where I feel I can breathe deeply

Disneyland, on a cool weekday in February when there’s almost no one else there

Puppies who will grow into Great Danes or Golden Retrievers or Huskies … or Pugs

Family gatherings, where everyone is talking at the same time and no one can finish their stories, and yet there’s nothing but laughter filling the air

Eating tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich on a rainy day while watching a Sandra Bullock chick flick

The Redwood forest … walking among those tallest of living things, the Redwoods, along the forest floor carpeted with ferns and soft red bark … another place to breathe deeply of the silence and the stillness, and the grandness of our Creator … it also brings back a lot of childhood camping memories

Getting off a seemingly interminable plane flight after being gone a long time to be greeted at the airport with signs and balloons and hugs from those missed most

Visiting new places and experiencing new cultures … the world is full of intrigue to be sought and explored

Coming home to find the dishes done

Four-day weekends spent on an adventure somewhere other than at home

Decorating

A particularly cleansing sneeze

Broccoli

Getting my hair cut

Crossing things off my list … even if they weren’t on my list to start with, it feels so good to write it down, just so I can cross it off

Spending $10 at the movie theater and having the movie exceed my expectations

A night out with the girls, gabbing until our throats are sore

Getting to the cash register with a true treasure, only to have it ring up for less than I was prepared to pay

Reaching the summit of a tall mountain and feeling not only the sense of the accomplishment, but like I’m literally standing on top of the world.

My husband

Angels Baseball (thanks to my husband, I've come to a true appreciation of a good baseball game)

A shopping day where I find a good parking space and everything fabulous is in my size and on sale

Getting lost in a good book

Hearing a really good song for the first time and then spending days trying to figure out what its called and who sings it ... and then buying it on iTunes only to play it so much I get sick of it

Funny and clever commercials

Getting on the scale to find another pound lost

Pedicures

And so much more ... Life is so full of things to enjoy ... and I needed to remember that. This exercise has pulled me out of the funk I've been in for a few days, a funk whose origin I could not place, and so seemed ridiculous to be feeling anyway. God is good and has blessed me too richly to spend much time feeling funky. Have a happy day!

And what about you?? What makes YOU happy?

our small comedy of errors

2007-04-15T16:02:00.000-07:00

Caleb and I have "thrown our hats over the fence," so to speak, and gotten ourselves permits to hike Mt. Langley, a 14,000+ foot peak near Mt. Whitney. Our reservation is for Labor Day weekend, the first weekend in September. So we decided it was time to start stretching our hiking legs. So on Saturday we decided to go out and test our hiking legs. We went out to San Jacinto, near Palm Springs. But the day didn't go entirely as planned ...

First of all, we woke up an hour late. We'd planned on being out of the house by 7, at San Jacinto by 8 or so, with lots of time to hike. But we didn't leave the house until 8.

We planned on a one-hour drive, but it ended up taking us 2 hours to get up the mountain to Idyllwild, now putting us 2 hours behind our original plan. The first thing we had to do was fill out a day-hiker pass at the ranger station. We filled that out, grabbed the carbon copy for ourselves, then headed to the trail head, just 1/4 mile or so away. As we started grabbing our stuff, we had a small debate about the day-pass we'd just filled out. Do we take it with us? Or is it supposed to stay in the car? We couldn't remember what the sign said, and there were no instructions on the blue pass itself, so we decided to leave it in the car. Besides, the odds of actually running into a ranger on the trail were pretty slim.

Before we headed out, we decided to find a bathroom first, and there was a nature center just across the street. So we threw our bags in the cab, locked the doors, and headed across the street. Within about a minute Caleb suddenly realized he'd put his keys in his pack, and the pack was in the locked car. Yep, we'd locked ourselves out. NOW what?

Well, what's another hour behind, at this point? We still needed to go the bathroom, and there were probably rangers in the nature center who could help us out, so we kept walking. Inside the rangers loaned us a phone, and even the number for AAA (being as how our wallets were also locked inside the car). As we were arriving back at the truck, so was the mechanic.

I could have sworn our mechanic was the pirate from Pirates of the Caribbean who was always losing his wooden eye. He looked like him, AND he had the same accent! But he was a very nice man and had us in the truck in about 10 minutes. We filled out the information he needed, grabbed our packs, double checked the keys were inside, and finally headed out on our way. It was now 11:00, and we were 3 hours behind schedule.

But, we still had most of a beautiful day in which left to hike, so we headed off still in pretty high spirits. The trail was a nice one, littered with only pine needles and pine cones. It was a pretty steady climb, and right off the bat I could definitely feel that I hadn't been out hiking in a long time. But it was a perfect day to be out, so I ignored the tightness in my legs.

About an hour into our hike, the odds we'd played earlier about the day-hike pass finally played out, and we lost. As we were heading up the trail, a park ranger was making her way down the trail. She said hi, and then asked us for our pass. Of all the hikes we'd been on, we'd NEVER run into a ranger on the trail! Well, we managed to talk ourselves out of getting cited, PROMISING her it was in the dash of our black truck sitting in the parking area at the trail head. She believed us, and said she'd check. She let us go on our way (even though she had every right to not only cite us, but make us head back down the trail and get our pass). But the rules were very confusing.

The rest of the hike was beautiful. We stopped for lunch about an hour and a half later, sitting on a rock in the sun, enjoying having the packs off our backs for a few minutes. We made it four miles up the trail before turning back, at which time a storm came rolling in, dropping the temperatures quite a bit. We threw on jackets and started heading back down the mountain. I like going down, its faster. But sometimes you still wish for a respite from the jarring the downhill trek does to one's knees and feet. Mine were beginning to ache ... and the further downhill we went, the worse those aches got. I guess I wasn't as ready for an 8-mile hike as I'd originally thought I was. By the time we reached the truck, with the day-pass still staring at us knowingly from the dash board, I was already so sore I didn't know if I could climb in the truck.

And so we headed back home, not too much the worse for wear. There was a birthday party we were still trying to make, so we stopped by Taco Bell for a quick dinner and then headed over to the friend's house in La Habra ... only to THEN learn that the party was in a completely different location in Orange! Par for the course of this day. We left our card at the door, and headed home for long showers and an early night.

It was a long day, with its share of mishaps, and though it left us both pretty sore, it was a good day. And now we know we have quite a bit of training to do before we attempt Mt. Langley. But it was a good day, a beautiful day to be outside. And besides, there's something invigorating about exhausting yourself physically, taking your body farther than you think it can go. Pushing through the pain feels good, an accomplishment of mind over matter. My muscles will heal, and I will be that much closer to being ready to climb the big mountain in September. Of course, then we'll be sure to take our passes with us, too.

home improvement

2007-04-12T21:24:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, Caleb and I have been spending a lot of time on the weekends doing some painting and cleaning and rearranging of our home. The process has not been without its frustrations and hold-ups, but I'm proud to say we've finally finished most of the big and time-consuming things we wanted to do. Its fun having a "new" place to come home to. My favorite part of what we've done is our big plum walls. It adds definite punch to the soft grey-green of the rest of the condo. We still need to hang pictures up and there's a lot we'd like to do in the patio. Its been fun, and very newlywed-ish to fix up our home. Well, and I just love to decorate, so the whole process is like a big creative outlet for me. Take a look at the rest of the pictures here. I'll be sure to add more as we continue decorating.

writer's block

2007-04-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get very much in the mood to write, but can’t think of a single thing to write about. This must be what real writers call writer’s block. Fortunately for me, I don’t have a deadline to meet and my inconsistent and intermittent writing isn’t responsible for putting food on the table. If it were, we’d be in some deep water without a buoy. Of course, were I to actually be treading water somewhere in the Pacific, I’d probably have something dramatic and life-changing to write about ... although, no computer ... or Internet access ... but I digress.

So what do I write about today?

How about the wind. Today has been a particularly windy day in north Orange County (Garth Kemp from ABC news had warned us it would be). When I left my office at the end of the day today, there was a huge pile of dead pine needles, at least two feet high, collected in front of our door. It looked like someone had swept them up and left them there, very much on purpose. But I believe it was actually the wind, swirling about and collecting the pine needles into the corner where our office sits. And then as I drove home there was debris lined up in neat rows along both sides of the roads, kept there by the countless passing vehicles of evening commuters, on their way home. Despite the mess a strong windy day can create, I like it. Yes, it knocked pine cones on to my car all day and snapped tree branches off trees, but it also cleared the air of its regular haze that tends to sit, usually immovable, just above the treetops and buildings. There’s definitely a cleansing that only the wind can accomplish. And I’m a big fan of clean. And therefore, a big fan of wind.

We have an old joke in our family, about how you can’t see the wind, you can only see the effects of the wind. Whenever someone exclaims “Look at the wind!” someone else simply can’t resist correcting, “You mean, look at the effects of the wind.” Its a highly overused and somewhat annoying Hammer-family correction, but we say it anyway. Like when anyone in the house would ask for a hammer, and whoever happened to be nearby would simply say, “I’m a Hammer.” It never gets old, even though it hasn’t actually been funny for years.

Anyway, I’m sure the wind and its effects provide some great metaphors for life (though I’m drawing a bit of a blank right now). It can be cleansing, push in the cool air or the warm air, when powerful enough it can transplant everything from small bushes to large houses. There can be no denying the wind exists ... and yet, the wind itself cannot be seen. You can only see what it has done after its been here (unless you’re a weather man, then sometimes you can predict what the wind will do, like Garth Kemp). I have heard people liken the Holy Spirit to the wind, but I think it actually a weak metaphor for Someone as powerful as God’s Spirit. And the wind is controlled by weather patterns, whereas the Holy Spirit has a will all His own. So that’s not a great example. Sometimes phases and seasons in our lives are like the wind, usually only seeing how they’ve changed us long after they’ve passed. Yes, I think that’s a much better metaphor. And actually, its a metaphor that would involve the Holy Spirit, because I believe He is responsible for any change of heart or growth of character of which we might boast, especially if the times that cause that change are difficult ones. Its impossible to get through hard times well when the Holy Spirit isn’t comforting us and praying for us.

Well, it would appear as though I came up with something to write about after all. Its probably far from life-changing, but it gave me a chance to put words together in sentences and paragraphs, one of my favorite pastimes. Thanks for reading.

spam

2007-04-11T06:33:00.000-07:00

This morning I opened my email inbox to find that I had only four messages, all of which were spam! (I know what you’re thinking, “only four spam emails?!” The ones that get through my spam filters are the REALLY sneaky ones.) Lands’ End wanted me to check out their new totes and Pottery Barn is having a big sale (meaning their merchandise is on its way to a somewhat reasonable price). Spam is such a tease in the world of electronic communication. I open my box to see that little number in bold … 4. I eagerly click on the inbox link, to see just which four people couldn’t live another day without communicating with me. I wait impatiently as the page loads to solve for me the first mystery of the morning … only to find, once again, that some stranger out there has found just the right job for me, the perfect mate to fill my heart with joy for the rest of my days, or how to be a millionaire by the end of the week. Wow, just imagine if the spammers’ promises were true! What perfectly fulfilling and happy lives we’d all be living, full of Pottery Barn furniture for which we were smart enough not to pay full price and Lands’ End totes with our initials on them. Hm, maybe I should start paying more attention to the spam in my inbox.

the blessings of waiting

2007-04-05T21:37:00.000-07:00

As of tomorrow, April 6, 2007, I will have been married for 11 months. Yep, you guessed it, I’m just ONE MONTH from celebrating my first wedding anniversary. WEDDING anniversary! Are you getting that? I’m married, and have been for almost a YEAR. How did that happen? I feel like it was just yesterday Caleb and I had only been dating a month! The day after that we were planning a wedding. Two days after that we had begun living happily ever after in a two-bedroom condo in Fullerton. And now I’m to believe its time to celebrate a year of marriage, even though by my calculations we’ve only been together four days!

And yet, so much has happened in the last two years, I suppose I couldn’t possibly have gone through it all in less time. A year ago I took on a new name, a new home, a new job, and a new roommate. All those changes left me a bit off balance for a while as I tried to make sense of my new surroundings. But as I look back, even over this relatively short period of time, I find myself rather amazed at what’s transpired.

I cook at home now, regularly, and more than just macaroni and cheese or instant noodles. I get up at 5:45 every morning to work out (though am still not what they call “a morning person”). I weigh 16 pounds less than I used to. I’ve learned the names of every player on the Anaheim Angels baseball team. I’ve climbed mountains and combed deserts. I’ve been to Canada. I’ve discovered its OK to buy gifts right off someone’s Christmas wish list. I’ve learned to respond to “Mrs. Weston” and I’ve almost gotten used to the shiny rocks on my finger. I’ve learned more about the financial industry than I ever thought I’d know, and really ever wanted to know. I’ve decorated a Christmas tree with someone else’s ornaments, and found it still felt like home. I’ve made friends I didn’t have two years ago, good enough friends to hang out with at Denny’s on a school night. I’ve learned more about myself and my own shortcomings than I have in a long time. Its hard, but its good. And along with that, I’ve had the opportunity to experience being loved in spite of them. I’ve learned there are desserts out there that are not chocolate, but still tasty. I’ve learned that playing games can be fun. I’ve continued to learn how expensive life can be and that a budget IS freedom, but also that the important things in life aren’t really for sale anyway.

This past year has been a big year. It ranks up there with that first year in China, when everything was new and strange and fun and adventurous and stressful and unknown. I feel like I’ve spent this whole year getting my “sea legs,” so to speak. And the transition alone has left me regularly exhausted. I can’t say I’ve arrived at a state of total normalcy yet, though the surroundings are starting to feel familiar. I am getting used to waking up with a man in my bed, a man who drags me OUT of bed at 5:45 in the morning and makes me go to the gym. (He gets abused at first, but I’m always appreciative once I’ve woken up.) I’m getting used to my new job, though there’s still so much I don’t understand. There are people in my life who never even knew me as Heidi Hammer, and its weird, but helps me adjust to my new name. And it didn’t take me any time at all to learn to LOVE coming home at the end of the day to the one man who is even more the man of my dreams today than he was a year ago (in spite of his early morning cheeriness).

Maybe that’s the best part of this whole first year of marriage. I have learned and grown and been stretched and challenged. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve stared at the wall and wondered how I’d get through another day as tired as I was. But between the ups and downs, the one thing I have not ONCE done is doubted my decision to marry Caleb. I think that might be the best blessing of all. I waited a long time to get married (though not as long as some). I’ll celebrate my first anniversary just a month before I turn 32. And there were many times in those single years I doubted God’s goodness, I wondered if anyone would find me beautiful, and I could have made some hasty and wrong decisions about my future. But I love that I can say I waited for God’s provision. I love that I waited for Caleb and he waited for me. God did that. I know I am still very much a newlywed, and I have only begun to learn the volumes of lessons marriage will teach us. But I imagine the coming years will be infinitely better because I waited for Caleb, God’s choice for me.

Besides, how else would I ever have learned just how important Vladimir Guerrero is to the Angels?

weight-loss update

2007-03-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Some months ago I wrote an entry about embarking on a weight-loss journey. Having only begun it at the time, I was full of motivation and inspiration and enthusiasm for my plan. Well, I am happy to report that several months later (I’ve lost track of exactly how long I’ve been actively doing this), I am STILL motivated! I don’t know if my enthusiasm is as high as it once was, but my motivation is definitely still there. I am still getting up early most mornings to work out, I’m still skipping dessert and drinking mostly water and have even cut out most of my coffee intake. I see progress every week, which is what tends to keep me motivated.

I admit the journey has had its fair share of ups and downs. If I’d really stuck with things, I am sure by now I could have lost twice as much as I actually have. There have been periods of three to four weeks where I seem to lose the same pound-and-a-half … and then periods losing five pounds in two weeks. The process is not a smooth one, the graph isn’t one steady climbing line. And I’ve had my share of “bad days” where I eat nothing but Reese’s Pieces for dinner. But with every week that passes, and every small milestone reached, I am closer to my goal. And it has been exciting to see the overall progress as my eating and exercise habits slowly change.

What is my goal, you might ask. Well, I’m trying to keep my goal loose and vague, rather than shooting for a target weight. I am pursuing health, better eating habits, a more active lifestyle. I am trying to teach myself portion control, how to choose wisely from a restaurant menu, and to think about what I’m eating at parties and snacking on at home. Its so easy to eat mindlessly. My goal is to overhaul this area of my life, something that has long needed an overhaul, not just lose weight to lose weight. Because once I DO reach my goal, I want to be able to maintain that, hopefully for a lifetime. But that kind of change takes time … lots of it, I’m discovering.

But things are happening, and I’m proud to report that the scale shows I’ve lost 16 pounds overall. My clothes are all too loose, some so loose its time to retire them to the Good Will. It’s been nice to be able to wear everything in my closet again, even those pants that for a while were too tight to wear in public. Don’t want to embarrass the masses, you know. Lately I’ve been going shopping in my own closet! And I’ve found fun things that seem new all over again.

But that hasn’t necessarily satisfied the itch to shop. I love to shop, you see. I love to wander the mall, I love to find that great deal. I love to have that new shirt in my closet that makes me feel girly and beautiful … or that pair of shoes to finally match that dress perfectly … or a new purse to add to the already-burgeoning collection, but which simply HAD to be had. And I’ve been pretty good about not buying much lately (I want to SAVE my money and go on a big shopping spree some time this summer when my goal has been reached … a whole new wardrobe!).

However, yesterday I got the uncontrollable urge to SHOP. So on my lunch break, I went to the mall. I decided to hit The Limited and see if they had any sales going on. It’s my absolute FAVORITE store. And you see, for all the fun my own wardrobe has been, things ARE getting too loose, and I just need a few things to get me through that awkward stage between the size I am and the size I want to be.

Well, wouldn’t you know it … The Limited was having a HUGE sale! Everything on sale was an additional 40% off! That meant that the pants that were marked down to $50 from $98, were now only $30! It was a dream. I could have really well-made pants from my fancy store for the price of the crappy ones at Old Navy!

But there was a problem. The pants in my size fit me very well, close to being on the loose side. I could have worn them that day and looked FABULOUS. But as I stood there in the dressing room in the really nice formerly $98 pants, I got to thinking … if I buy these in my size now, I’ll only get to wear them for a few weeks, and then they’ll be too big. But if I buy them the next size down (a size I haven’t worn in years, by the way), a size I can get on but shouldn’t leave the house in just yet, it would really only be another month or so until I could wear them … and THEN I could wear them for several months, at least. The investment on pants that don’t currently fit me was seeming more and more like the wise one. I’d already proven I’m losing weight. I know I’ll do it.

And so I did it. I broke one of the most cardinal rules of shopping, and I bought TWO pair of pants that don’t fit me! They’re hanging in my closet right now, pants I can’t wear in public, pants I hope will fit me in May! AM I CRAZY?! I’ve never really done that before, not being a believer in the “if I spend real money on something super cute but too small I’ll be motivated to lose the weight so I can wear it” theory. It doesn’t work. But this time, I’ve already proven that losing the weight won’t be an issue. I’m already motivated … and oddly enough, the awesome pants in my closet that don’t fit me are actually bringing back some of that lost enthusiasm to go along with my motivation to keep going. Because in just another month or so, I will get to wear beautiful fabulous NEW pants that make me feel good and pretty and … well, smaller.

And so the journey continues.

(For updates on my weight loss, I actually keep a ticker updated at the bottom of this page … just in case you’re interested.)

coincidence? i think not.

2007-03-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

I think there is a not-so-coincidental reason that "morning" and "mourning" have little difference between them but a measly little vowel. And Monday mournings ... er, mornings ... have got to be the most profound evidence for the non-coincidence of this little noted rhyme in the English language. Who ever decided morning was a good time to get up, get going, get moving, get started, get working, get ... well ... anything?? Its a cruel, cruel time of day ... now used as one of the most severe forms of torture known the world over. What's worse, when one becomes accustomed to this torturous cultural norm, they are praised, lauded and put on pedestals! But what they do not know is that they have simply succumbed to the evil powers trying to take over our indigent way of life! We ... we who have resisted conformity to this forced shift in our very natures to function before the hour of 11:30 a.m. ... we are the strong ones! We should stand up and fight for our rightful way of life! Let's turn morning back into what it was meant to be ... a time for sleep, for hours in our pajamas, for drinking leisurely from our too-many cups of coffee. Our incoherence and our blatant disregard for anything requiring our cognitive selves before the caffeine has set in and the daylight has seeped into our very souls ... its our RIGHT! Its the way it was meant to be. Why must we fight it?

You know what I think happened? One day, long ago, the rooster decided it was tired of being an average bird, living in a coop, overseeing all those cackling hens. So he began waking up his masters with his crow earlier and earlier every morning, until one day ... they thought it was normal to be up before the sun! He slowly programmed them to rise on his command. And now, to this day, that pre-dawn crow of every rooster worldwide is not just a wake-up call, its an evil, maniacal laugh ... because he has won ... and the stupid humans don't even know that he is the true ruler! Who let the rooster win?!?!

memory lane

2007-03-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

Last night as I was washing dishes, the scent of the dish soap reminded me of a previous life of mine. Have you ever had that happen before? Has a scent or a song or a certain taste taken you back to another time and another place? Dish soap isn't all that glamorous a time machine, but it smelled the same as the soap I used when I would wash dishes in my little apartment in China. Yes, China. I used to live in China. Did you know that? I spent 4 years there, in fact. It seems strange now that I lived there, almost like it really was another lifetime. But the images are still strong in my mind ...

kids eating squid on a stick;

squatty potties;

the sea of red and yellow taxis;

the 5 a.m. corn vendor whose voice didn't need an amplifier;

the potholes;

the mosquitoes, whose tiny buzzing could evict me from my bedroom for the night;

the crushing humid summers and the bitter winters;

the 5,000 years of uninterrupted history, some of it still evident in the lined faces of the old men and women sitting outside their homes in the sun;

the one English word known to all humanity, "Hello!" yelled at me from all corners of the country;

the vast countryside with its horse-drawn carriages;

the trains, with toilets that literally empty right on to the track below;

the Great Wall, just a weekend vacation;

the food ... oh how I miss the food;

so many Chinese students who so easily became friends ...

My list could go on for days, but perhaps only I would be interested in it ...

As of this summer I will have been back in the States for four years, the same amount of time I spent living in China. It was once an everyday occurrence for me to walk down the street and buy fried rice from the vendor on the corner for $.25. I used to walk to Chinese language class five days a week, which was entirely in Chinese, from day one, and read characters on the board and understand what they meant. I've spent weekend vacations in Beijing, Hong Kong, XiAn and Shanghai. I've been on the Great Wall of China three times, and riding past TianAnMen Square on my way to the train station became a ho-hum occurence. I used to bargain for goods on the streets ... in Chinese. I shopped in open air markets almost every day for fresh vegetables and fruit, walked nonchalantly past cooked ducks hanging by their necks in the windows of restaurants ... and then happily order one of them for dinner.

My years in China were also home to some of my closest relationships ... roommates and teammates. There's something about being Americans together in a foreign land that draws you close together. We lived together, worked together, ate together, played together, cried together, prayed together ... and it only took a few days of that to become best friends. I believe there will always be a special bond between us who experienced those years together. It was too grand an experience, too deep a lesson, too strong a connection to be lost to mere years and distance. There was Kimberly (pictured), Chrissy, Carlynne, Scott & Elaine, Trey & Tania, and so many others whose lives touched mine so profoundly. I miss them all, and yet hold fast to their everlasting impact on me.

So, today let us sing praises to dish soap ... for taking me back to perhaps the hardest four years of my life (the hard times are another essay in themselves), and yet some of the most endearing and life-changing ones. I wouldn't trade my years overseas for anything, and would even go so far as to recommend such difficult times to others. They are so much a part of who I am now, taught me so much about myself and the world around me ... including that not having a dishwasher really isn't all that bad.

unmet expectations

2007-03-17T18:13:00.000-07:00

Being the "J" that I am, I have a hard time when things don't go the way I expect. Like today for instance: For a while now I've been wanting to repaint the downstairs a pale, greyish-green, a perfect color to match the couch and the chair and the forthcoming decor I have in mind. Last night we prepped the room, moving all the furniture and taping off all the areas we DIDN'T want with pale, greyish-green all over them.

This morning we arose lazily, went to the gym, went by Lowe's to grab those couple of extra things we still needed ... and by 10:00 we were painting. As the color went on the walls, it seemed a bit blue to me, but I didn't pay too much attention to my misgivings, because I was sure it was just my eyes playing a trick on me ... changing my perfect pale, greyish-green to a somewhat pale, greyish-blue. As we neared finishing the SECOND coat of paint, our paint job looking quite perfect I might add, I finally pulled out our original paint chip from which we chose our perfect pale, greyish-green, only to discover that what we had put on our walls was in fact BLUE! I DIDN'T ORDER BLUE! I ordered a perfect pale, greyish-green, to match my couch and my chair and my forthcoming decor schemes.

Well, after trying desperately to decide that it was going to be OK, and then realizing that I would NEVER be happy with this nice but unsought-after blue, we headed back to Lowe's (making a quick stop at Baskin Robbins for some comfort food). I needed the color that would match the chip from which I chose the paint. We went to customer service, and talked with a manager who was actually quite helpful. He automatically asked if we used a primer, and we had to confess that we had not. He then went on to tell us how much the color underneath the new color can change the appearance of it. He would have left it at that, but I just couldn't see how my color would change THAT much, just because of what was underneath. After some deliberating, he finally suggested a test with the paint. He put a small dab of it directly on the paint chip from which I chose my paint color ... and sure enough, it was MUCH more blue than the original! VINDICATION! I was validated, and Mr. "You should have used primer" know-it-all manager (whoc was actually quite nice) was proved wrong. And he refunded us the full price of the two gallons of blue paint.

It was now after 4 in the afternoon, the time by which we were supposed to already have the paint on the walls, the furniture back in its place, and a newly decorated den, in a perfect pale, greyish-green, in which to sit and watch Jurassic Park (our creature feature of choice for the evening). But at 4 we were still at Lowe's, mixing new paint by another brand, buying a couple more plastic paint trays, and listening to lectures on the value of primer (which this time we were willing to take, albeit begrudgingly). The new paint color was still off the paint chip a bit, though not nearly as much as the last one.

As soon as we got home we got to work on the primer (take note, this is the third coat of paint in one day, and the square footage in the room is slowly getting smaller). Once it was finished, we had to wait for it to dry ... so we ordered a pizza and sat around waiting for it to arrive. After we ate, we started on the fourth coat of paint, the first coat of the NEW and hopefully perfect pale, greyish-green to match the couch and the chair and the forthcoming decor schemes.

At 8:30, we'd had enough. The downstairs was still a complete mess, and the fumes from all the paint and primer had probably seeped a bit too far into our brains ... so we decided to call it a night. Just to taunt the evil redecorating gods, we set up my laptop on the end of the bed and watched Jurassic Park anyway. It turned out to be a perfect way to end an otherwise frustrating day.

My frustration and tears from earlier in the day are already a fading memory ... now that we have the right color going on the walls. I would say I wish I were more of a "roll with it" kind of person, but in this situation, I don't know that it would have helped. Is it too much to expect a paint color to match the chip from which it is chosen? I think not.

a saint's prayer

2007-03-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

Today I received a forwarded email that I really didn't mind receiving. According to the email, the following is said to be a common prayer of the late Mother Theresa. I think it is actually quite profound in its simplicity. May it make a small impact in the midst of a busy day for you today:

"May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you ar emeant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settled into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

the wonders of Death Valley

2007-03-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

Well, Caleb and I have finally gotten all our pictures from Death Valley up on the website. Following is a small sampling, and some of my favorite reasons why we visit Death Valley at all.

Where else in the world can you take your pictures under THIS sign? The lowest point in the valley is actually 282 feet below sea level, the lowest point in the Western Hemisphere.

This is called Golden Canyon, and is one of the most beautiful spots in the valley, especially when the light hits the hills just right. As you go through the full set of pictures in the gallery, you'll see how it attracts photographers like paparazzi.

Looking in the rear view mirror you can see the dust trail we're leaving behind us. Death Valley is home to hundreds of miles of dirt road, and usually the longer the dirt road, the more worthy the destination. Dirt roads took us to the Racetrack, through Titus Canyon, and all the way out to the Eureka Sand Dunes, some of the biggest dunes I've ever seen in my life.

I love dirt roads.

Death Valley really is a photographer's paradise. Here, my husband and my dad can't keep their fingers off the shutter. Despite what some people think, the landscape is widely varying, and full of color, and the sheer expanse of the valley calls even the most amateur photographers to attempt great shots.

This is Teakettle Junction, where passers-by have left their teakettles over the years. I don't know how the tradition was begun, but its fun to look through them all and see who's left them. This junction is on the dirt road on the way out to the Racetrack.

The Racetrack. Its a dry lake bed. Its anomoly is the rocks that appear to move on their own across the floor, leaving trails behind them. To this day, even scientists only have theories on how the rocks have moved.

This is also a good representation of the sheer expanse of the valley. I think that's one of my favorite things about DV, why I call it the Big Sky country of California. There are no crowds to fight, no traffic to get stuck in, no electronics to distract me, not even tall buildings to obstruct the view. Its big and wide and open, a place to truly breathe deeply.

This is me, sitting on one of the rocks in the Racetrack that has mysteriously traveled down the lake bed.

This is Andrew, my brother-in-law, standing over Titus Canyon. The photograph doesn't do the colors justice, but those hills are magnificent in all their various shades of burgundy, green, yellow, orange and red.

It was such a great trip. And for those of you out there who might still be doubting Death Valley is a worthy vacation destination, I encourage you to try it on your own. I dare you not to be surprised. For more of my pictures, you can look through this gallery. For Caleb's photos, check out this gallery.

the beginning

2007-03-09T06:55:00.000-08:00

On our way up to Death Valley last weekend we drove up along 395, which follows the Eastern side of the Sierra Nevadas. This side of the Sierras is much more rugged and untamed than the more foresty western slopes. And they were plastered in snow, which can be unusual for the drier side of the mountains. This picture was taken from the new and improved Lone Pine visitors center, and the view was simply spectacular. We weren't even to Death Valley yet, and already the scenery was helping me breathe deeper.

What's fun about these mountains is that I have climbed them, to their tallest peak in fact ... Mt. Whitney. Its 14,496 feet tall, the tallest mountain in the continental United States ... and just 100 miles from Bad Water, Death Valley, which at 282 feet below sea level, is the lowest point in the Western Hemisphere. Aren't random facts like that so cool? Yes, they are.

More pictures to come!

thoughts on spiritual gifts

2007-03-08T22:50:00.000-08:00

Last night we each took a spiritual gifts test at Bible study, and then spent some time sharing about them. It was a fun and fascinating time of discussion and discovery. Some had never taken such a test before, some took tests that confirmed their suspicions, and some had new things show up they hadn’t considered. As we discussed, I realized again how much I enjoy this subject of discovery in our Christian lives. And I have a word to say about spiritual gifts.

I find most of our attitudes about spiritual gifts to be closely tied to our view of ourselves, right down to good old fashioned self-esteem. A couple of things tend to come out of this tie. One reaction is to be unhappy with the spiritual gifts we’ve been given when they don’t seem to be among the loftier gifts more valued in Christian circles (pastor, evangelist, healer). When we discover gifts of hospitality and administration, its easy to feel like a lesser spiritual person. The other reaction, which is quite the opposite, is to feel embarrassed about sharing our gifts if they are of the more supernatural type, such as faith, healing, missionary, or apostle. When people ask, we shrug and say, “Well, the TEST says I’d be a good missionary, but I don’t know ….”

I find both of these reactions inconsistent with what God would have us believe about ourselves. First of all, as we are made in Christ’s image, and we can call ourselves children of God, the King, there should be no doubt that we are loved and valued and worthy, no matter who we are, what we look like, or what our gifts and talents might be. To put it somewhat elementarily, as Christians we have every right to a strong sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. In fact, I think it is part of our calling. We are, each of us, uniquely gifted, uniquely talented, and wholly loved. And so if I discover that I have the gift of administration, I want to embrace that, be thankful for it, and learn to use it to glorify God and his Kingdom. As He has gifted me in that way, I want to honor that gift by using it well.

Second, if we view ourselves the way God does (as much as is humanly possible), we should see something beautiful. God doesn’t view a pastor as more important to His work than the behind-the-scenes administrator of Sunday morning power point. The missionary roughing it out in the jungles of the Amazon is doing work just as important as the guy who fixes fences for his neighbors in need. God made each of us exactly as he planned, and he doesn’t make mistakes or faulty plans. Each of us has a role in the greater work of Kingdom building, and regardless of what God has called us to, it IS important. I feel like I can’t say this strongly enough. He asks us only to be faithful with the one, two, five, ten talents we’ve been given. Use them, grow them, find ways to bless others with the very gifts and talents with which God has uniquely blessed each of us. It is then that we glorify God, which is our chief goal on this earth.

I love that I am uniquely gifted. I used to think I was meant to be a missionary, and probably single, but those turned out not to be my gifts. The more I learn about who I am, and who God has made me to be ... even though its less glamorous than I used to wish ... the more freely and comfortably I live with myself. My role in the greater scheme of things might have a smaller scale impact according to what we can measure here on earth. But if I am following what God has called me to, I am doing something only I can do, and I believe that God is pleased.

a shocking confession

2007-03-08T10:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, on warm days, I like to drive with the windows down AND the air conditioning running.

the beautiful desert

2007-03-07T23:54:00.000-08:00

My low-activity personality is easily overwhelmed with a 40-hour work week, not to mention the other daily demands on my time, ranging from household chores to extracurricular obligations. Sometimes I get to feeling claustrophobic, hurried and harried, there’s too much to do and not enough time to do it, and it seems I have a hard time stopping to just breathe deeply, be where I am. I don’t relax easily.

So I often need a break, a chance to stop and breathe ... and I like to leave home and go camping … this time in Death Valley. I know what you might be thinking … but its not like that. I know not everyone loves the desert. It is definitely a very different kind of beauty than that of most other places. But I love the desert, perhaps partly because it is the exact opposite of that busy feeling with which I am often overwhelmed. Its huge and open, with a big sky. There is nothing to obstruct the view; the eye can see for hundreds of miles. And everywhere you look there is a new kind of beauty to behold. Also, camping itself requires little but eating, sleeping and sightseeing. There’s no schedule, no demands on my time. That freedom, combined with amazing sights to behold, usually results in a truly restful and relaxing weekend.

We truly had a fantastically relaxing weekend. I could have stayed for a month. It just seems easier to breathe in a place like that, easier to relax, to just be, and stand in awe of the grandiosity surrounding me. Four days wasn't nearly long enough.

I haven't had a chance to download my own pictures yet, so there will be more to tell on this subject once that happens. Until then, you can see a few images my dad and my husband captured.

Caleb's Pictures
Dad's Pictures

my confession

2007-03-07T21:11:00.000-08:00

I admit it, sometimes I fantasize about winning the lottery. There was a lot of water cooler talk about it yesterday, with the pot up to $370 million. I even considered actually buying a ticket myself, just because I’m kind of a lemming in situations like that. But in the end, I was too embarrassed by my lottery ineptitude (never having purchased a lottery ticket before), and I passed on that 1 in 168,000,000 chance to win.

But sometimes I think about what it would be like to suddenly have that much money at my disposal. What would I do with it? Well, I know what the initial impulses would be. I would quit my job, buy a house and the 4Runner I've been wanting. And maybe the Astin Martin. Caleb could quit his job, buy his dream computer, and pursue all his artistic dreams without having to worry about how lucrative they would be. We could take vacations wherever we wanted, whenever we wanted. We could buy out REI and have all the ultra light gear we wanted!

And just think about all the money I could give away! There are countless causes out there just waiting for a wealthy benefactor to help them accomplish their altruistic goals, not to mention those everyday opportunities to be generous. That would be so fun.

Although there are fun things I would love to have the freedom to purchase and do, I think the real lure of easy money is the fact that it is easy. Who wouldn't love to suddenly be free from their financial burdens, tight budgets, and having to choose between things we want and things we need?

Its funny, even as I write I keep trying to come up with some deeply profound reason why winning the lottery is bad for me, but I can’t come up with something all that compelling. Yes, we learn great lessons when we have to budget our money, say no to thinks we want, and work hard for our money … but I grew up that way. Surely my lessons are learned and now I’d be one of those wise lottery winners.

Man, I should have bought that ticket.

And yet, I have read that 9 out of 10 lottery winners say it ruined their lives. Though I'd still like to be given the opportunity to find out if I could be that odd 1 in 10, I can easily understand the statistic. When we are given so much something for absolutely nothing, we often don't appreciate it.

I guess a world full of lottery winners might look a lot like a world of Paris Hiltons.

Yikes.

Maybe my lottery ineptitude isn’t such a bad thing.

my fabulous husband

2007-03-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

Last night my husband came home with a hair cut, tickets to Tim Salmon night at the Angels game ... AND FLOWERS! And THEN ... he cleaned the bathroom! He scrubbed the shower and the toilet and the sink and cleaned the mirror. And he did it all out of the goodness of his heart (although there was tiny bit of recommendation when it came to the hair cut). He'll probably be embarrassed that I wrote this down for the world to read ... but sometimes I am still overwhelmed that he exists, and that he's mine.

oh to write like Dostoyevsky

2007-03-01T16:54:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite novels of all time is Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It can be laborious to get through, but it is brilliant writing. Brilliant, I tell you! He explores the inner musings of a murderer whose conscience finally gets the better of him. Its a story of depravity and redemption and true love, told in a ... well, a brilliant way.

Sometimes I am intimidated by Dostoyevsky. I'm intimidated by Edith Wharton, Jane Austen, Victor Hugo, Sue Monk Kidd and J.K. Rowling. How do they do it? How do they write people and events so well. How do they weave convoluted tales of complicated three-dimensional people, purely from their imaginations!? I wish I knew.

For I would like to be like them. But I fear I never will be ... and I often find that inferiority complex the very thing that keeps me from writing. Since I will never make Oprah's book club, why should I bother at all? And yet I love to write. I really do. I wish I had more time. This blog has given me an outlet of sorts. But lately I've been really wanting to practice my writing, hone my skills, even take some classes. Perhaps I'm not the author of America's next great novel, but that shouldn't keep me from writing. Its my favorite form of personal expression. In fact, my personality profile even states that I'm likely to express myself more clearly in writing.

So ... I don't know how much my writing here will pick up. But I will never get better if I don't practice, right? And I need to be writing about everything and nothing, see if I can make the everyday interesting, and the truly interesting come to life through words. I appreciate those of you who read this blog ... you motivate me, whether you know it or not. And you never know, maybe one day you'll be able to say, "I knew her when ... " and I'll give you tickets to Oprah the day I'm featured ....

(This weekend we're off to Death Valley for some camping ... I'll check back in next week!)

My "I told you so" moment

2007-02-26T17:51:00.000-08:00

Having been on staff with Campus Crusade for several years, I have taken many a personality test. Many. I can explain my personality to you in letters, numbers, animals, with complex graphs and pages of exposition. At least, what I THOUGHT was my personality ...

On many levels, I do know myself pretty well. But in recent years I have been greatly struggling with the commonly held notion that I am an extrovert. An extrovert should get their energy from being with people, should love parties, and have a "the more, the merrier" kind of attitude. And that used to be me. But for a long time now, that has not been me. I have been energized by solitude, quiet, time alone doing things I enjoy like reading, shopping, blogging, working on photo albums or crocheting. I much prefer a night at home than a night out on the town.

And yet, I love people. I really do. I'm fascinated by people, love helping them figure out where they are in life, where they might be going, and who they might really be. I am touched by their stories, often finding myself crying at the news or a sappy commercial. Which is perhaps why its taken me a long time to come to a realization that maybe, just maybe, I lean more toward the introverted than the extroverted.

Because I've struggled with this imbalance in my life, my dad sent me a link to a test to take which gives you the same results as the Myers-Briggs, only the test is much shorter, and its free. After taking it, sure enough, I did NOT come out ENFJ as I always had, but INFJ, indicating a shift to the introvert. First of all, I think our personalities can change over time. Secondly, sometimes our circumstances in life dictate what our greatest needs seem to be. So it doesn't necessarily mean my previous testing as an extrovert was wrong. Whatever the case may be, I'm feeling this sudden "HA! I knew it!" moment. (Why do I need a test to finally validate what I've thought for so long to be true? Its probably part of my personality profile.) After taking the test, I was directed to several pages describing the INFJ Personality Type (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging) ... and as I read, I suddenly felt free. Its almost uncanny how accurate those things can be. I didn't resonate with it word for word, but definitely found myself identifying with a few of its more pertinent points, not the least of which is that the INFJ, because of their good relational skills, is often mistaken for an extrovert.

If you're interested in taking the test, click here. Or, if you know your type and are just interested in checking out what it says, click here. And enjoy! Let me know what new things you learn about yourself.

Josh, Kel and Kayla

2007-02-25T17:38:00.000-08:00

This weekend my cousin Josh, his wife Kel and their new baby Kayla were in town. Normally they live in China. THis is the first time any of us have had a chance to meet Kayla ... and what a beauty! On Friday night all the grandkids got together at Grandma's for a grandkids night reunion. On Saturday night the Lindleys threw a baby shower for them. We talked, we played games, we loved on the new baby, and had a general grand time, as the Lindleys always seem to do. To see the rest of the pictures I took at the shower, click here (this takes you to the first picture in the series ... just click the forward arrow to scroll through them all).

Happy V-Day!

2007-02-13T10:34:00.000-08:00

You know, when I was single, I used to DREAD Valentine’s Day. I’m sure just about EVERYONE can relate. Who’s bright idea was it anyway … to come up with a holiday that REQUIRES us to be mushy and sappy and conjure up something brilliant for the ones we love? Its too much pressure! The millions of flowers and balloons and jewelry and boxes of chocolate adorning every storefront might as well attack and maim me!! Sometimes I think that would be less painful.

As a single woman I always HOPED the guy I had a crush on would finally declare his undying love for me, or at least send me flowers. But I’m sure the guys felt even more pressure than us women, and stayed away from V-Day like it was the plague. Who knows, the girl might think things more serious than they actually are! Poor singles, Valentine’s Day truly can be a horrible “holiday.” (An actual holiday is one your boss recognizes as a day to skip work with pay.) And as a result of the pressure there’s probably less love shown than on any other day of the year. And yet, as much as I understood that, and even hoped it would pass without consequence … there was still always a part of me that was a little disappointed when the day came and went like any other. Even though I’ve always been against the forced pressure of the advertisers and merchants, a small part of me still wanted a heart-shaped box full of chocolate.

However, now that I am married, I find I’m taking a different view on Valentine’s Day. At first, Caleb and I weren’t going to do anything at all. I think that was habit making the decision. What was always a hateful day must still be a hateful day, right? But then, I realized what an opportunity V-Day could be. I could use it as a chance to love on those around me.

I still think its an overly commercialized holiday, and the pressure induced by jewelry stores and Hallmark stores makes me want to throw all my shoes at the TV (and I have a lot of shoes). But since the personal pressure of finding a “valentine” is over (thanks to my wonderful husband), I’m thinking of Valentine’s Day more as an opportunity to share with those I love just how much I love them. I’ve always thought of V-day as more than just a holiday for couples, but for ALL relationships. And since the stores are full of fun stationery and gifts, it becomes fun to come up with something unique to show those around me that I love and care for them. I do admit having a husband makes that “couple” part of Valentine’s Day more fun than its ever been. I know that whatever I do for Caleb will be appreciated and requited (which was always a fear in those single days).

I still remember what an awful day Valentine’s Day can be, and I understand the desire to just have it pass quickly and quietly. I have spent many a February 14 in hiding. But if we can make it about all our blessed relationships, maybe we can beat the V-Day blues.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

silly movie ... favorite sappy quote

2007-02-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy ... and the only thing in focus is you and this person ... and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift ... and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away, all at the same time."

Josie Grosie, Never Been Kissed

Seven days until Valentine's Day ... whether you like it or not.

Exceeding my own expectations

2007-02-06T08:57:00.000-08:00

Three out of the six mornings a week I'm at the gym I do a cardio workout. I get on the eliptical machine and I go and go and go until I can't breathe that easily and I think I can't go any more, and my side starts to hurt and the sweat is dripping into my eyes, I start thinking about faking fainting, just so I can stop ... and then I go even HARDER! When I'm done, it takes me at least 20 minutes to fully recover, and only THEN do I feel really good. And then two days later, when I have to do it again, and I don't want to, I have to tell myself that I did it just two days earlier, so why is today different? And I have to admit to myself that I'm right, and surely I will be able to get through that 20 minutes of torture today as well. Damn my logical self. It seems I CAN go further than I had let myself believe.

This morning I said to Caleb, as we were walking back to the car, "Every morning I think I can't do it, and then I do. Its like I'm showing myself up." As I continue on my path to increased personal health and weight-loss, I am often amazed at my own determination and stick-to-itiveness (its a word). I even wonder some days, "Who am I?! I'm not this disciplined." I surprise myself all the time with this thing. And yet the next morning, there I am, gettin' up at the crack of dawn, driving to the gym, only to beat my body into submission once more, making it go further than it thinks it can go. (I admit if it weren't for my husband, most mornings I probably wouldn't get past turning the alarm off, just so I can go back to sleep. I hate getting out of bed.)

But all of this is making me wonder ... are there things in my life that I'm not pursuing, not doing, not challenging myself with ... because I've somehow talked myself into believing I can't do it? What other occasions in my life could I "rise to," if I just challenged myself? Maybe more of who I wish I were is actually attainable. What else is out there that I could surprise myself with?

Hm.

Honestly

2007-01-30T12:01:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I find that one of the most difficult people to be honest with is myself. Somehow, I can be even more intent on deluding myself about things than I am about deluding others. My true self, what I REALLY feel and REALLY want ... can sometimes alarm me, depress me, confuse me. There is a person I wish I were, and then there is the person I actually am. And when truth contradicts the imaginary self, I begin to fib ... most often to myself. I find it harder to fool others (oddly enough).

Take, for instance, American Idol. I find it such a fascinating cultural phenomenon of mass delusion. We are entertained weekly by the American Deluded ... people who have truly convinced themselves that they can sing, and sometimes dance. I've never seen so many good liars ... er, people afraid to admit to themselves that maybe the person they wish they were is not the person they are. They've deluded themselves to the point of national humiliation. How does it go that far? And more importantly, why are we so afraid to be who we are? What is wrong with the very person God created us to be? Whether or not we can sing?

I've often found great irony in a society that longs for individuality, and yet scoffs at the person who doesn't buy into the current trends, wear the latest clothes, have the most current hairstyle, listen to the right music, have the right friends (who have all the right aforementioned qualities). How hypocritical are we? We value individuality and yet find fault with the person who is truly unique.

But have you ever finally let go and admitted to yourself the truth? Have you ever finally opened the windows and turned up the radio to sing, with all your heart, to Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On"? Have you ever just worn your hot pink converse high tops, no matter what anyone says or does? Have you ever decided to just go ahead and let the inner self out, admit the truth to the world? "I LOVE BOWLER HATS!" Admitting some of our deepest secrets, first and foremost to ourselves, and letting it be OK, can be one of the most freeing feelings in the world. Its where the end to pretending must begin.

Sometimes the truth is hard because its contrary to what we think OTHER people want us to be, or even believe us to be. For me, I had to admit to the missionary world that it didn't fit me, I wanted something else, a more difficult thing than you might imagine. In high school I had to let it be OK that I was in to country music. And I am currently working at helping friends and family understand that I just might be an introvert. I guess in my journey of self-discovery I've had to drown out the noises of perceived expectations from my friends and family, even myself, and listen to that voice deep within myself telling me what I REALLY want, and who I really might be. And when we listen, and let that voice come to the surface ... we suddenly find ourselves free. Truly free to be who we truly are.

This also leads to understanding to just exactly who God created me to be. If I don't ever understand that, how can I truly serve him best? If I want so much to be a preacher, but deep down am truly an administrator, I will spend a lifetime struggling in my weakness instead of thriving in my strength.

These are just a few thoughts I've been having today. I encourage you to search the depths of yourself as well. Though you might not be thrilled about what you find, I guarantee you will find relief and freedom.

Sidenote:

I found a website today that truly intrigued me. It was started as a school project and has turned into a celebrated blog. The author invites people to send him their secrets, anonymously, on a postcard. They are supposed to be things they've never told anyone else. He posts them on his website. The truths revealed there are alarming, funny, sad ... and all of them, in some way, shape or form, echo the cries within ourselves to be truly honest, to finally say what we've been wishing we could. I encourage you to take a look, and share your thoughts with me. Its a fascinating foray into the American psyche.

Here's the web address: PostSecret.com (Warning: the first picture on the blog the week of Jan.21-27 is not for the weak-hearted. The author changes the posts every Sunday.)

Please, tell me what you think.

Quote of the day

2007-01-23T09:57:00.000-08:00

I know its been a long time since I've written. Life has been full! And then Explorer has been freaking out and not letting into my blog accounts ... so I've finally found a way in (use a different browser!), and I'm back. Though even now, I don't have much time.

So, for today, I will share with you a wonderful quote my sister recently shared with me:

"What you eat standing up doesn't count."
- Beth Barnes.

I find especial humor in this only because I am STILL working toward my weight-loss goals. I had to catch up a bit after the holidays. Man, all those desserts and fancy dinners out can really do a diet in! But, I've caught back up, am back to my pre-holiday weight, and am now moving forward again. And how I wish what I ate standing up didn't count!

Here's to all of us still trying to recoup from the holiday feeding frenzy!

I'll be back soon ....

a good hair day

2007-01-12T12:05:00.000-08:00

I am having a spectacularly good hair day. I mean, I should be in a hair photo shoot today, or at a fancy event where famous come up to me and say, "Who does your hair?!" And I simply respond, "Why, I do. Don't you do your own? Its so easy." Well, we can dream. Today I've found myself wondering, why can't my hair look like this every day? What exactly causes a good hair day ... or more importantly, a bad hair day? I have the same hair every day. I use the same shampoo, in the same shower with the same water. I use the same mousse and the same hair dryer, the same brush, and the same hair drying techniques. So why does my hair look fabulous today ... for the first time this week!?!? Shouldn't the same formula produce the same results? Somewhere out there is an answer, there has to be. Today I commit my life to solving this puzzle. Any clues you might have will be welcome.

Who's with me?! (That's a battle cry, by the way).

the haves, the needs, and the wants

2007-01-05T15:57:00.000-08:00

Over Christmas I had the pleasure of taking a full week off work. It actually turned out to be 10 straight days work-free. On the days not filled with holiday or birthday activities, we didn't go anywhere or do anything out of the ordinary. My goal was to be free to get other things done, free to stay up late and sleep in, free to watch movies at noon and go shopping for longer than my lunch break allows. I had big plans for my vacation. Plans to rest, and yet be productive.

But I'm afraid I discovered some alarming things about myself. I like to think of myself as one of those people who knows myself well, and one who actually knows how to say no to activities, and balance my life between rest and productivity. But, as it turns out, I'm wondering if either of these things are true (to a certain extent anyway).

I got to the end of my 10-day break and found that I was tired, not quite ready to go back to work, and though I'd gotten a lot done, I'd discovered twice as much yet to do! How can one rest when there is so much to do!? If I rest, then the dishes might not get done, the afghan might not get finished ... and heaven forbid, the laundry might sit dirty on the floor for another day. NOOOO!

In ruminating on these alarming revelations, I decided that life can be divided up into three main categories: the haves, the needs, and the wants. Let me explain. The "haves" are the things we HAVE to do. I have to go to work, I have to make and eat meals, I have to sleep. The "needs" are the things I NEED to do. I need to do the dishes, I need to do grocery shopping, I need to exercise and eat right, I need to do laundry, I need to finish the afghan, I need to pick up the dry cleaning and buy that thing for our friend. The "wants" are the things I WANT to do (my favorite category). I want to go shopping for as long as I want, I want to sleep in, I want to watch a movie, I want to go out to eat, I want to eat a chocolate brownie with eggnog and NOT gain 16 pounds, I want to paint the walls, I want 5:45 a.m. to feel like 10.

Life is spent juggling these three: the haves, needs and wants. And what I've discovered I let happen is that I let the haves and the needs push the "wants" right into 2013. Unfortunately, I'm sure when 2013 is finally here, more haves and needs will have filled it up too. But for now, I'm optimistic.

However, when we completely disregard the wants in our lives, our lives become burdensome, quarrelsome, haggard, sapped, stressed. The wants are the things that fight stress with relaxation, quarrels with conversation, and burdens with freedom. When I'm doing something I want and enjoy, my whole body relaxes, and my attitude becomes sunny. I usually hear birds singing. The wants too easily get rescheduled, endlessly, because they do not have the priority of haves or needs. And yet, my hypothesis today is that our wants are actually needs ... and at some points in our lives, to save our sanity and our relationships, they are haves.

(One other thing I've discovered, though I hate to admit it, I think my Aunt Jean might be more and more right [something I'm sure she never doubted.] Its quite possible I might be an introvert. For me, my needs need to include not just down time, but alone time. I need time that is just mine, to do whatever I please, by myself. I am re-energized, replenished, refreshed when I get "me time." But, having thought for years [apparently erroneously] that I am an extrovert, I've never made "me time" a priority. It was a want at best. But I am beginning to truly believe that for me, its actually a need.)

So let me conclude by admonishing you, dear Reader, along with me, to seek balance between the haves, needs and wants in our lives. First we must make sure that we've identified what those things are (do you NEED or do you WANT a pedicure ... do you NEED or do you WANT to do the dishes ... do you NEED or do you HAVE to eat a brownie???). Second, we must figure out a way to let all three make their ways into our daily lives. Do not abandon the wants!

Not long ago I read an article on happiness that I ended up saving. It still sits in a Word document on my computer desktop. I found it fascinating because the author proposed that many people aren't happy because they don't really know what makes them happy. We're encouraged to seek money, beauty, fame, status, fancy cars and expensive clothes. And though these things bring an element of happiness (I'd certainly be willing to test the theory), the things that often bring the most happiness tend to be things like a walk in the sand, a hot bath, a chocolate brownie (yes, I see the theme), sitting on the couch for hours reading a book, a nap, time with your spouse or a best friend spent doing "nothing." Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert suggests fitting some of these things into our daily lives if we're seeking contenment with day-to-day life.

*caviat*
Someone once told me that if we could attain balance in our lives we wouldn't need God. Though a somewhat simple observation about faith, I find it to be true. It is my inability to find balance on my own that leaves me stressed out at times, tired at times, unhappy and lacking joy ... and the only way to truly counteract that is to seek God. Because I will ALWAYS be incapable of achieving it on my own. We ARE imperfect, and balance never really will be found (though I don't think that is an excuse to stop pursuing it). It is our imperfect nature that leaves us in such need of a God who is loving and merciful, in spite of our imbalance. And truly, it is in HIM true happiness and contentment can be found. And in Him alone.

Grandma turns 80!

2006-12-26T19:37:00.000-08:00

The day after Christmas is my Grandma Lindley's birthday. THIS year it was her milestone 80th birthday, and we had a big bash at my parents' house. For a few more pictures from the evening click on one of the photos below, or on this link. Happy Birthday Grandma!!

Weston Christmas

2006-12-25T19:40:00.000-08:00

Well, I've finally gotten the pictures up from our second Christmas (what we liked to call "Christmas B"). Here's a preview ... two adorable sleeping boys ... click on the picture to find them in Santa suits ... or you can click on this link for the rest of the photos.

new pictures uploaded

2006-12-21T21:30:00.000-08:00

I finally had a chance to upload all the pictures from our trip to Disneyland and from our Hammer Family Christmas on the 16h. Click on the links here if you're interested in taking a look. Enjoy! More to come after our second Christmas celebration this weekend.

And Merry Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2006-12-18T10:32:00.000-08:00

Well, we finally got our tree up and lighted and decorated. Isn't it beautiful? Its been one of my favorite parts of the holiday so far. Our living room is dripping with Christmas spirit, and smells oh-so-perfectly of pine. Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas at the Hammers

2006-12-16T21:16:00.000-08:00

This year, due to various family commitments, the best time we found to do Christmas with my side of the family was Saturday, December 16. It was such a great day! We did everything we'd normally do on Christmas, including starting later than we'd planned, having brunch complete with sticky rolls, lit'l smokies, and sparkling cider. Grandma and Grandpa even came by for breakfast and some present opening, as they usually do on Christmas morning. It was a little weird to have Christmas so early, but so great to have the whole family together! Here are a few pictures from the day ... (hopefully the rest will soon be up on the picture site, but you'll have to give me a little time to get that done).

Amy in front of the tree ... maybe she thinks she's the only important one for the family picture? We eventually crowded all 7 kids into the picture in front of the tree.
Jon, Julie, Amy, Rachel, and David ... Yay for presents!
Caleb, Dad and Jon. David silkscreened sweatshirts for each of them. On the back David's "Hammer Threads" logo was screened. The boys are obviously pretty happy with their new hoods.
Caleb and Heidi ... because I was TAKING all the pictures, I just needed to make sure I got IN one.
We all went together and got Dad a new sleeping bag. He's needed a new desperately, but instead of buying his own, keeps borrowing Julie's and David's ... now he has his own! He was very excited.
Mom got her zebra plates from Pottery Barn. Amy and Caleb and I went together and bought her eight. Because we know our mother, and she could never do with just four (which she THOUGHT was all she got... until she also opened up the present from Amy ... I love tricking Mom).

Disneyland at Christmas

2006-12-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

Caleb and I have decided to make going to Disneyland at Christmas a holiday and Weston tradition. Its the MOST happy when its decorated for the holidays. Who can decorate better than Disney? We took a day off work and spent the whole day there. I was pretty sick, so we didn't last all the way to the fireworks, but it was still a great day going on rides and enjoying the happiest place on earth during the happiest time of the year!

Our standard "hold-your-arm-out-as-far-as-you-can-and-take-the-picture" picture.
Caleb with Main Street behind him.
Me with Sleeping Beauty's castle behind me. The dark made taking well-lit pictures a bit hard. Sorry, Dad, for the overexposure. It won't happen again.

oh Christmas tree ...

2006-12-11T15:10:00.000-08:00

For Caleb and I, this is our first Christmas married. So this Christmas tree is our first. Such an event should be documented, don't you think? Its a beautiful Douglas Fir pine tree, from that oh-so-special-and-famous Christmas tree lot at ... Lowe's. We decorated together, with ornaments our mothers have collected since we were children (thanks Moms!). Its been fun bringing our two Christmas histories together, years of memories told through the ornaments now on our tree.

Besides, what is Christmas without a tree? And its just so fun to have our own! It turns the whole season into true Christmas time.

Caleb, setting the branches free of their netted prison.

And me, decorating our first Christmas tree.

Merry Christmas everyone!

family traditions

2006-12-10T17:04:00.000-08:00

On Sunday afternoon we went over to my parents' house to help Mom decorate her tree. Its been a trdition for years to decorate the tree together while we watch "White Christmas" (with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye ... best Christmas movie EVER). This year, even though none of us are living at home, we had a need to keep the tradition going! So once again, with a fire in the fireplace and Bing crooning White Christmas, we helped Mom decorate her tree. I love traditions.

Me and Mom decorating the tree. That's one of at least three or four ornaments I actually put on the tree.

Dad ... he's not too keen on decorating, which is just part of the family tradition. Its fun trying to make him decorate the tree AND enjoy watching "White Christmas." He's a good sport though.

Hans and Amy were there to help too ... and do Amy's nails apparently.

the Hammer family picture, '06

2006-11-30T15:08:00.000-08:00

This is the Hammer family picture, taken at McKinley Grove up at Shaver Lake. It was 32 degrees. For those of you who lost your chemistry notes from high school, 32 degrees is freezing. Yep, we can honestly say it was freezing. But we still braved the cold for the annual Hammer Family Holiday Picture. I wish I had the myriad photos we took, in the freezing cold, in order to get this one fantastic photo, where even David is smiling. I could show you the several we took before this one, where people are obviously freezing, yelling at Dad for taking so long, yelling at Jon for taking the picture from HIS camera on a tripod moments before Dad's clicked (where do we look?!). But Dad's kind of stingy with his less-than-perfect photos. It was definitely a memorable experience. For those of you still shady on who's who in the Hammer family, from left to right we have my brother Jon and his wife Julie, my husband Caleb and myself, my other brother David and his fiance Rachel (getting married in July), my sister Amy, and Mom and Dad (aka Judi and Doug). Aren't we fabulous?

For more Thanksgiving fun, you can see pictures from our whole weekend in Shaver Lake by clicking on the picture above, or here.

anatomy of a family picture

2006-11-29T21:43:00.000-08:00

One of the best things about the holidays is how families come together. People come together at Christmas like no other time of the year, and I love it. I get to see cousins I haven't seen since their wedding, aunts and uncles I only hear about through Mom, and I get to have my WHOLE family together at once. They come from San Diego, Long Beach, Riverside, Thousand Oaks, Fullerton ... to be together.

And of course, along with family gatherings come the essential family pictures. If it weren't for holiday pictures in front of the tree, who would really know about those bad hair years? How one brother finally shot up taller than the other? Which years the family started to grow as they added spouses and children? I love the tradition of the family picture during Christmas. We always act like its a chore, but deep down, we love it.

Of course, GETTING that family picture is always a trick. How do you get all those people to stand still at the same time, smile at the camera, NOT close their eyes at the flash? Its hard, and usually takes an afternoon of trying. Below you'll see one side of my family and their attempt at the holiday picture. As is usually the case, we did finally get one that works. But getting there is always fun to watch:

We're obviously not ready yet ... and how's my hair? And ... where's Grandma?

Brent, you can pet the dog later. And Grandma's still missing.

Wait! I wasn't looking at the camera! And Brent's still petting the dog.

Well, I guess the remote works.

Yep, still works.

I thought we were getting closer. If we could just get those babies to stop being so cute. And where did Caleb go?

And here we are ... Weston family picture 2006! The babies are crying, but they're at that age where even that is cute. Another page for the Weston history books. The memory of taking the picture is as fun as the final picture itself.

Thanksgiving at Shaver

2006-11-28T20:16:00.000-08:00

Over Thanksgiving weekend, the Hammer family went up to a cabin in Shaver Lake. Though the temperature never got above 40, we had a GREAT time sitting by the fire, eating too much food, playing pool, watching movies, spending time in a nearby Sequoia grove, and just generally hanging out. For the rest of the pictures, you can go to our photos website, here.

And now its Christmas!!! I love Christmas. We've hung lights, and a wreath on the front door. The Charlie Brown Christmas special is on TV, and we've started buying Christmas presents. Its just such a fabulous time of year. Yay for Christmas!

all I want for Christmas is ....

2006-11-27T16:19:00.000-08:00

Slippers. I want slippers. Its winter time, and I have hard wood floors ... Besides, I owned these particular slippers when I lived in China (they can be found at L.L. Bean). So there's a sentimental value there too.
Have you ever read Simple magazine? Its a great magazine for everything from recipes to decorating to shopping. I'd love a subscription.
A new showerhead would be glorious.
Renoir has a painting called "Dance in the City," and the girl's dress looks a lot like my wedding dress. I thought it would be fun to have the painting. (My dad discovered this painting when he was in Paris.)
I could really use a new black purse. I LOVE this one ... found at Target.

Earrings. I LOVE EARRINGS! The danglier, the better.

Baskets for storing yarn ... they'd need to be lined. But I LOVE these.
This is my dream chair ... its found at Cost Plus. Its outside the realm of reality for a Christmas list, but hey ... you never know.
Red heels. I've been looking everywhere for red heels, and just haven't found the perfect pair. I'm a 7.
This is the fabulous iPod nano. I want one.
LOVE this cardigan ... any similar style and fab color would do.
Just one movie I'd love to own. Other movies I'd love: Pirates II, The Lake House, King Kong, Lilo & Stitch, Chariots of Fire.
I love candles ... all shapes and sizes. Best colors are rich ones (Brown, Red, Deep Purple, Gold). I also love candlesticks ... but tall ones of different sizes and colors (not like the low ones shown here). These particular candles are found at Cost Plus.

Stores I L-O-V-E love:
Crate and Barrel
Macy's
Target
The Limited
Cost Plus (World Market)

the importance of girlfriends

2006-11-17T13:14:00.000-08:00

I am a firm believer in the absolute necessity of friendship. We weren't meant to be islands in the stream, or islands in ANY body of water for that matter. We were created for companionship, connection. And it seems the more friends I meet and kindred spirits I come across, the more I can't live without them.

I have been truly blessed in my life with some great friends (some of whom are family, for which I feel overly blessed), women who know me inside and out. True girlfriends are the ones who know my thoughts without my having to speak them; they know when to encourage me and when they're being called on for accountability; they can put me in my place without damaging our relationship, because there is so much love and trust; they're the ones who appreciate how we're different, and remain true just the same; they have shoulders I can cry on, love and understanding I can count on; they have had the guts to tell me the truth about my shortcomings, and then continue to stand beside me as I tried to grow.

Without girlfriends, who would we shop with for hours on end? Who would we watch girlie movies with? Who would we talk with until the wee hours of the morning? Who would help us eat an entire carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream after a bad day, or tell us the too-short haircut is still cute? Who would tell us to take off the black socks, to dump the overalls that went out of style a LONG time ago, not to eat the extra piece of cake, and that "of COURSE you could win American Idol!"? Who else understands the need for a new purse every couple weeks, the obsession with jewelry and flowers, the romance in every Sandra Bullock movie (except maybe Murder By Numbers), and the need to be thought pretty even on our worst days?

We may be vastly different in personality, style and hair color, but within every woman is knit a fabric of commonality, and a need to connect.

I've had the opportunity to know some amazing women in my lifetime. Without them I wouldn't have survived high school (Wendy, Kathy, Rachel); college (Darcy, Donna, Juanita, Melanie); China (Chrissy, Kimberly, Elaine, Carlynne, Tanya); or coming home from China (Mom, Amy). And in this new stage of life, the stage where I live in one place for longer than a year, I see new friendships developing, new friendships that will help carry me into the future (Emily, Gabbie, Darcy, Dori, Alicia, Cori). I know that we will develop our own history, probably sooner than we realize. We may not have what we had with old friends, but we'll have new experiences, things we don't have with those old friends. And pretty soon we'll be the ones talking into the night, laughing and eating too much chocolate together. I can't wait.

a few of my favorite things

2006-11-08T09:14:00.000-08:00

The last couple weeks have been pretty up and down for me ... Last week was full of emotional drama, this week I've been sick. And I've found myself being pulled down into wallowing in my own melodrama, forgetting just how much I have to be thankful for. I once heard a talk on the importance of thankfulness, and how it really is the most central aspect to living a full and content life. The Bible exhorts us to be thankful in ALL things, even our trials. Without gratitude, we become complainers, nothing is ever good enough, and we wallow in misery. What good is that to anyone? None, I tell you. None. So, today I'm going to do an exercise in thankfulness. I hope it will inspire you to think about all the things you are thankful for. I guarantee it will lift your spirits and nourish your soul. OK, let's see ....

I am immensely thankful for my husband. He is the most patient and caring man I know, and has weathered this last couple weeks of my ups and downs with grace and love, as he tends to weather all things.

I am thankful for Fall. Its my favorite time of year, and I LOVE watching the trees turn colors, the weather finally cool down, and people wearing corduroy.

I am thankful for my short commute to work. No more freeway traffic!

On that note, I am also thankful for my job, my great boss and coworkers. It has been a blessed respite from what had been a stressful situation.

I am thankful for my home. Its a wonderful home, cozy and comfortable, with working appliances, lots of candles and a wonderfully soft couch I could sit on all day.

I am thankful for the approaching holidays. Its my other favorite thing about Fall. Stores are already full of Christmas paraphernelia, welcoming the season of twinkle lights, shiny wrapping paper, pumpkin pie and good cheer. Its a time to be with family, to eat too much, sing Christmas carols and get away with wearing as much red and all the sparkle you can.

Also, with the holidays approaching, coffee creamers are coming out in flavors of pumpkin spice and peppermint mocha. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

I am thankful for enough money to eat three meals a day, for living in California where the "middle of nowhere" isn't really that far away (I love the "middle of nowhere"), for chocolate, for Josh Groban finally releasing a new album, for Kraft macaroni and cheese spirals, for all my family, old and new, for email and blogs to easily communicate with friends worldwide, for "Heroes" and "Lost" and "24" (coming soon!), for classic literature, for blue skies, for my dad's photography, and of course, for vacation. I get a whole 10 days off at Christmas, and I can't wait! I will then enjoy some of my favorite activities: spending a whole day reading a good book, spending the day with my husband doing whatever we want, hanging out in a cafe, shopping, mid-day movies, staying up late and sleeping in late ... its going to be fabulous.

What are you thankful for today? Might I encourage you to write it down? And choose to think on those things this day, and see if your day doesn't look brighter.

Colossians 3:16 "Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God."

a beautiful day in the neighborhood

2006-11-04T13:48:00.000-08:00

Last weekend Caleb and I had a chance to explore the great outdoors on a beautiful Fall day. Originally we'd planned this hike for San Jacinto, but someone lit it on fire a few days before we went. So we decided to go on a hike at Mt. Wilson ... but when we got there it turned out to get to the trailhead for this hike, we had to hike five miles. So we took another random trailhead and did a total of about five miles. It turned out to be a beautiful hike through a small canyon. The best part of it were the periodic bright yellow trees dotting the trail.

Our view from the parking lot at the trailhead.

One of those beautiful yellow trees.

Caleb, on the trail.

The trees. The trees were beautiful. The hike was a beautiful one and we ended up having a great time, even though our plans were changed several times.

ah, discipline

2006-11-03T15:08:00.000-08:00

Discipline has become such a buzz word in my life. I find myself attempting discipline in so many areas of my life, I'm wondering where the discipline of relaxation fits in! I am working toward financial discipline; the getting up early and exercising discipline, and the discipline of eating well so as not to ruin what I've accomplished through the exercise discipline; spiritual discipline; the discipline of being on time for work; the discipline of not watching too much TV and being proactive about communicating with my husband; relational discipline, making sure that time spent with people is quality time; the discipline of getting to bed on time so I can get up the next day and be disciplined about finishing all my daily tasks, right down to the laundry and the dusting and the dishes .... and the list goes on.

Life just takes a lot of energy sometimes. But, the more I think about how much there is to do, the more I realize how important discipline is in my life. Without financial discipline, we might not be able to eat at the end of the month. Without exercise discipline, I'm wheezing at the top of our one flight of stairs. Without daily task discipline, the dishes pile up until I'm the subject of a Shel Silverstein poem. Without relational discipline I am relationally exhausted and yet still disconnected from others. But the important thing I'm learning these days is that without spiritual discipline, these other disciplines are just a routine, a daily in-and-out living. Sure, I'm getting things done, but am I at peace? Is there rest in my heart in the midst of a busy day?

I am a productive person. I love tasks and value productivity above most things. And so some of these disciplines are easy for me ... because they're tangible. Doing the dishes results in clean dishes, and a clean kitchen. Doing the laundry empties the dirty laundry basket, and fills my drawers with clean socks (I have a lot of socks). Cleaning my house results in a happy Heidi, because she loves a clean house. But some disciplines are less tangible, like the relational and spiritual disciplines. Success in these areas isn't quantifiable. It doesn't fit on a chart. The growth in these areas is often seen more clearly over long periods of time. In these cases, hindsight is 20/20. And so it tends to be more difficult (at least for me) to accomplish discipline in these areas.

And yet these are the areas that are infinitely more key to personal growth and maturity than doing the dishes or skipping the extra taco. And so I find this the most pressing discipline to work toward. My whole world could be in place, in order, on a schedule ... but if my heart is disconnected from God; my thoughts wandering from what is right, true, honorable, noble, of good repute; my focus on things other than Christ ... then my schedule is for naught, my accomplished tasks like the dirty plates clanging against each other ... they're just noise.

Do you ever wonder how many times in your life you'll have to learn this lesson? I feel like I have to learn it over again and again and again. I suppose its human nature to rest on what we can do ourselves, and can quantify. We like audible answers to things, time frames, check marks, gold stars when a thing has been accomplished. We're smart beings, gifted with brains that think, plan, and solve. But I must remember that I have experienced extreme joy in waiting on the Lord, in letting his timing be played out in my life, even if he hasn't consulted my own day planner; in letting his peace wash over me so as to calm my restless soul, and give over to him all that troubles me. Being in communion with the Living God is the discipline which manages all other disciplines. It is the "head discipline," if you will. "Seek ye FIRST the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you." The verse I've known from childhood takes on new meaning once again. Perhaps if we trust God, and seek him first, all other disciplines will start to fall into place. And then we might find comfort in that word, discipline. I know its a stretch! But maybe, just maybe, it could happen.

how i got caught up in weight-loss mania

2006-10-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

I have begun a journey that, wise or not, I've decided to share with the world. One, I figure the more people who know about it, the more I'll be held accountable to accomplishing my goals. Two, I struggle with something most of America is struggling with these days, and I guess I hope that chronicling my journey might be of some insight, and encouragement. And three, it actually makes me angry that I struggle with something I really believe I shouldn't worry so much about. And so I'm hoping that as I write, perhaps I'll find a little more of myself.

What is this monumental struggle so common to Americans today? It is the weight battle. Now, let me take a moment to clarify that I am a firm believer in being happy with exactly who you are. I am exactly who God made me to be: brown-eyed, brunette, somewhat shorter than average, a lousy singer but a gifted crocheter, a night person struggling to live in a morning-person's world, a talker, a reader, an oldest child, a late marryer (is that a word?) ... and so on. I am unique, and that is to be celebrated and appreciated. I appreciate God's other creatures and creation, and so it follows that I should appreciate most the ones he made in the image of himself. From this understanding, I have fought long and hard for my strong sense of self, of self-esteem and self-confidence. I believe I am exactly who he wants me to be, and because of that, I believe its not only OK, but paramount to a healthy relationship with God, to be completely happy with myself.

And yet, even as I tout the virtue of a healthy self-image no matter what, I find myself fighting a daily battle with my weight. Which, on some levels, is silly. In other parts of the world, or even in a not-so-long-ago age, I would be considered the ideal. In China my fair, completely untannable skin was admired and desired by my Chinese friends. In Southern California ... well, its different. From these fairly simple observations I conclude that ideal beauty truly IS in the eye of the beholder, in our case the "beholder" being society. And I HATE to bend my own values to society's norms. And yet I am ... I do. And if we're all honest, its really inescapable. And therein lies my anger at myself for falling into a fairly obvious trap. And yet fallen I have. I just hope my motives, my reasons, are not purely superficial. I think there are aspects to the trap that result in serious, and dangerous, conditions. The pressure to look a certain way is causing eating disorders and plastic surgery frenzies the nation over (i.e. Michael Jackson, Ashlee Simpson). And yet, perhaps the trap doesn't always have to result in something so ... extreme.

There IS a side to the weight debate that is about health. With much of America struggling with obesity, often leading to early death by various weight-related diseases, it IS something we need to deal with. Weight isn't always just an image problem, it is also be a health problem. I'd like to say my battle with image and my battle with health were equally yoked in my struggle to move forward, but it would probably be a lie. Image plays a really big role in this, even for this self-professed self-confident girl.

The weight battle is a battle I have fought for years. All my life really. I have never been skinny, never been described as a rail, or told to eat more 'cause I could be "snapped like a chicken." And then heavy stress during my years in China, the stress caused by re-entry when I came home from China, and various stressful events in the past couple years have caused some weight gain that previously wasn't a problem. (When I'm stressed, I eat. And when I'm stressed for six straight years, all that eating is bound to have consquences.) I denied it for a long time, but recently started to realize that although I might be OK with me, I wasn't ecstatic, and I was starting to lose the real me. I was becoming something other than who I really am. And I just couldn't let that continue to happen. So I made a decision, finally. It was time to DO something about it, or I would spend my life griping and fundamentally unhappy, even as I professed total self-confidence.

I've always been a somewhat healthy eater, and I do like to exercise, but obviously what I had been doing wasn't affecting any change. And so, four weeks ago I began a regimen of exercise and healthier eating previously unpracticed, and undesired, I might add. I've been getting up at 5:45 every morning to go to the gym. Its INSANE! And if it weren't for the fact that my fabulous husband were also getting up with me, and working out with me, this would not be happening. So most of the applause belongs to him for helping me stick to this crazy schedule. I have also been skipping desserts, including chocolate. And I LOVE chocolate. It is painful to skip dessert. Painful, I tell you! I have been choosing pita bread over regular bread, protein over carbs, and trying to follow some semblance of a healthier diet. I've switched to decaf coffee. DECAF! I'm trying lowfat versions of my favorite foods (a practice I was previously diabolically opposed to). And I hate it. I do it because I know I need to, but I hate it. I really just want to eat what I want to eat. There are people who can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound. Why can't I be one of them? If I even LOOK at something bad for me, I gain two pounds. It seems so unfair, but so it goes. I have to move past my anger and deal with the hand I was dealt. Besides eating and exercise, I've bought a scale, which I also hate. Before this scale, I don't think I'd actually weighed myself in 15 years. But I find it helpful, encouraging, to really know the results for all my hard work. I pulled out a pair of too-small pants that used to be my FAVORITE and put them in my closet, not for torture, but for motivation, because I want to wear them by Christmas. And I have enlisted the help of two people, my husband and my very good friend Melanie, to help me through this process, especially on days I am weak. They are my certified accountability partners, with permission to to ask and say the hard things, to help me stay on track. Sometimes, saying no to chocolate cake for dessert is simply impossible by yourself.

I've written more than I meant to in this first installment of my weight-loss journey, but its good processing for me. My goal is to write regularly, documenting the daily battle for self-image, self-restraint, and a healthy balance between the two. Its helpful for me, and hopefully, at the very least, entertaining for you.

beautiful Southern California

2006-10-27T08:54:00.000-07:00

Today is what my husband would call a "Chamber of Commerce Day." Its absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside. Stepping from my car to come into my office, which sometimes feels a little bit like a cave, was a tough decision this morning. I stopped a moment before going in, gazed out on a day that proves why so many people come to live here, and then very slowly turned away and headed into the office.

The weather is cool (for now ... it IS supposed to reach 90 today), the breeze is blowing, yesterday's wind blew most of the smog away from the mountains, so you can actually see them! The sky is blue, and the trees have all started turning their brilliant shades of Fall orange, yellow and red. It is a gorgeous day, and I just needed everyone to know what an amazing person I am that I chose to be responsible today, and climb into my cave instead of up a mountain.

Happy Friday!

PS I tried finding a picture online of what today looks like, but alas, I could not. So hopefully you will be simply be motivated to take a few breaks outside today and experience it for yourself.

women's retreat

2006-10-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

Back Row: Alicia, Dori, Cori, Darcy, Gabbie
Front Row: Michelle, Heidi, Jennifer

Last weekend was the Women's Retreat for Friends Community Church (the church Caleb and I attend). I wasn't able to attend the first day, because it was the same day as my grandpa's 80th birthday party at my parents' house (which required me not only being there for the party, but for helping out my mom with all the set up and clean up). But I went out with Alicia and Dori on Sunday morning and crashed the last part of it, and we had a great time. (Everyone got their red t-shirts on the first day, which is why I'm not wearing one.) Mostly, I had a really good time just hanging out with girlfriends. I love hanging out with my girlfriends.

the first 80 years

2006-10-18T15:23:00.000-07:00

This is Caleb and I with my Grandpa Hammer on his 80th birthday (he's my dad's dad). He has six kids and lots of grandkids, and even a few great-grandkids! And almost all of them were there on Saturday. What a great legacy! Happy Birthday Grandpa! HAnd here's to another fantastic 80 years.

note to self

2006-10-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

Watch placement of fingers when slicing lemons with large serrated knife.

he's back!

2006-10-10T15:19:00.000-07:00

I realize I'm a grown woman, 31 years old, with a fairly reasonable head on my shoulders. But every now and then I revert to my 14-year-old self and I get positively giddy over a superstar. In this case, its Josh Groban. Have you heard this kid sing?!?! He's amazing! And his newest album, which I didn't even know was coming, will be on shelves in just one month (November 7, to be precise). You can bet your bottom dollar (and my husband's) that I will be in line THAT DAY to purchase my own copy. If there is anyone who wants to join me in my teenage giddiness ... I promise not to judge you.

i baked!

2006-10-09T07:01:00.000-07:00

I am not a great cook, by any stretch of the imagination. My specialties are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I don't even have to look at the box for the instructions anymore! (I am learning, though. And Caleb and I have actually been doing more cooking lately. Its fun, and so far the only injuries have been a nearly severed fingernail and too-full stomachs.)

However, once in a while I get this insatiable urge to bake. And on Caleb's birthday it became a mission to bake him a home made apple pie. I found a recipe, bought the ingredients, peeled a million apples, and baked this beautiful and, according to Caleb, delicious apple pie. I just thought the experience should be documented for posterity.

Mixing the ingredients ... almost ready to go in the pie dish ...

Mmmmmm .... pie.

Mmmmmm .... pie.

I think he likes it! (I actually took about 97 pictures of him, making him take bites, watching his ice cream melt, trying to capture that look of pure and unabashed eating enjoyment ... this is the best I could get. But I swear it was there!)

happy birthday ... again!

2006-10-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

This weekend we celebrated both my dad's birthday and Caleb's birthday (this would be Caleb's THIRD birthday celebration ... but you can't have too many, right?) Here are a few pictures from the evening. The whole family was there! (Including my own mother, who, however, managed to avoid the camera the entire evening. Sorry Mom!! I didn't realize my oversight until today! I promise!)

Amy and myself ... with a giant healing cold sore on my lip ... which you probably wouldn't have even noticed if I hadn't mentioned it ... but then, I don't see how you COULD miss it, its so ... THERE. I also dyed my hair that day ... a little darker than I'd wanted, but I like it.

Ah, Rachel and David, our newly engaged couple.

Me and Caleb, the third-time birthday boy.

Grandma and Grandpa Lindley. Married over 50 years and still in love.

Jon and Julie, still recovering from a crazy summer, complete with near-dead cats, hands used to practice drilling, and feet used for stingray practice (thus the giant boot on Julie's foot).

Caleb opening presents.

Dad opening presents.

It was definitely a fun evening. Can't wait for the family gathering at Thanksgiving ... should be awesome!

good bye Summer

2006-10-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

Well, Summer is finally fading into the cooler and shorter days of Autumn, and I am practically jumping for joy! Now, my husband likes to argue that Summer is the best season of the year. The days are long, the weather is warm enough to be out in the evenings without a sweater, its full of fun outdoor activities and sunshine to make you happy. And on many levels, he's right. He really is. And yet, come with me and examine the picture below, and let us remember the less-than-pleasant side of summer.

Do you see those candles? Do you see how they melted and created beautiful sculptures they were never meant to be (or grotesque? I let you decide.)? I think those candles melted like that during the heat wave we had in July, that time when it was so hot I couldn't fall asleep. I feel like those candles most of the summer, every year. If it weren't for air conditioning, I would have no friends. Why is a/c so integral to my social world? Well, I hate being hot, and I tend to complain about it a lot, and if there were no a/c, I would complain so much my friends would stop talking to me, and it would just me and the candles, alone and disfigured. I try not to complain, but not very hard.

And so I welcome, with open arms, the cooler and pleasant days of Autumn. Yes, the days are shorter. I have to drag myself out of bed before the sun is up, and it feels ... wrong.

But at least I'm not hot.

The sun is pretty low in the sky when I get off work, making driving challenging.

But I can drive with the windows down, and its not hot.

The weather can actually be unpredictable sometimes. Like today, I thought it was much warmer than it was, and left the house only to wish later I had a jacket.

But I'll remember next time, and I LOVE my jackets ... which have been crammed in my closet and haven't felt fresh air for nigh on six months now. I'm sure they're anxiuos to be free.

You know what else is awesome about Autumn? The colors. I LOVE the colors! The browns and greens and reds and oranges. They're so rich, and you add to that the low-sitting sun, shining like a spotlight, and you have a brilliant array of fall colors. I can't wait to revel in them (and wear them, of course).

Oh, and I love corduroy, which seems only to be fashionable in October and November.

So, here's to Autumn! I'm sorry for my husband, who must wait another year for his long days and warmer evenings. But perhaps he'll enjoy cuddling with me on the couch instead, drinking hot chocolate and watching chick flicks. I mean really, is there any happier way to spend an evening?

Happy Autumn everyone!

happy birthday husband!

2006-10-02T14:06:00.000-07:00

Today, October 2, is Caleb's 31st birthday. Happy Birthday Caleb! Yesterday we spent the day up in Thousand Oaks celebrating with his family, including the two newest members, Burke and Conrad. There are some adorable pictures below (of both the babies and my husband) ... Enjoy!

Caleb blowing out the candles on his pies. It was a "3" candle and a "1" candle. We, of course, had fun arranging them as 13 instead of 31.

Some presents can be dangerous. This was Andrew's creation. It was an obvious choice, being as how there was extra wrapping paper.

This is Burke, taking a nap in Caleb's arms. So cute!!

And here's the happy (if somewhat tired) family. Christie is holding Conrad, Lucas is holding Gershwin (until recently, the only child), and Mom Dub is holding Burke to put him in the picture.

they came, they played, they lost

2006-10-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, September 30, the Friends Community Church softball teams played in the finals tournament down at a park in Anaheim. They gave a solid effort, but were eliminated in the double elimination tourny ... after losing the first two games. But the boys had fun! Here's a few pictures to document the affair.

Cousin Ben ... stretching in preparation to demolish the other teams.

Husband Caleb ... ready to annihilate opposing teams, anyone who might dare to challenge them.

Caleb ... ready to knock the cover off the ball!

Ben ... hitting one far and away.

WHAT? We LOST?! TWICE?!! Say it isn't so! Oh well ... I'm hungry. How does burgers sound? I don't even want to change my sweaty shirt ... just feed my sorrows with beef, and all will be well.

go angels!

2006-10-02T13:56:00.000-07:00

I realize they were long out of the pennant race by the time we went to Thursday's game ... but they're still our Angels! And they played a great game. And won! In fact, they almost swept the A's again this past weekend. They should be proud. Here are a few pictures from the game. We had a great time.

Dad, Caleb and Andrew. Look, even Dad's got Angels gear on! (He's fairly well known as a Dodgers fan ... which, this year, was a good team to choose.)

Mom and Amy ... I'm not sure who she's kissing, but I'm sure its an Angel.

And me. Looking ridiculous, but its the only picture of me from the night.

support your local sheriff

2006-09-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

Because I was raised by my father, I was raised with a deep and abiding appreciation for 60s Western humor. And so, I come from a family where every last one of us can quote a good portion of Support Your Local Sheriff. It stars James Garner as a cowboy just passing through town, "on his way to Australia," who ends up becoming the town sheriff. Its definitely a must-watch for anyone who's never seen it.

One of the great quotes of the movie is the very first line of the movie. The opening scene is a funeral and there are about 10 people out in the desert surrounding a grave. And one man gives this eulogy:

“We are gathered here today to consign the mortal remains of Millard Frymore... or whatever his name really was. I ain't really got a whole lot to say about Millard because he only rode amongst us two days ago, and was promptly struck down by whatever deadly disease it was struck him down. We can only hope that whatever deadly disease it was, it wasn't particularly contagious. And with that in mind, I suggest we all bow our heads in devout prayer.”

What follows is equally sacrilegious as gold is spotted by one of the mourners, and subsequently fought over, INSIDE poor Millard's grave.

You have to see it now, don't you?

anza-borrego desert state park

2006-09-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

On our way back to San Diego from Julian on Saturday, we stopped at a spot that overlooked the Anza-Borrego state park, a beautiful desert landscape. These are a few pictures we took. I know a lot of people don't find the desert beautiful, but Caleb and I love the desert (well, as my aunt pointed out is usually true, we love the right kind of desert). The desert is wide open space, its own big-sky country, with a wild and even harsh beauty all its own (if there is such a thing). We didn't head down into the desert on this day, but we enjoyed the view for a while.

Caleb and I with the desert behind us.

The desert, the view no longer blocked by Caleb and I.

I just thought this was a cool picture. There is a plaque at the bottom of the cross that reads

Desert View Park

Donated by

Mrs. Marshal D. Terry

Mosler Brothers

Col. Ed Fletcher

I don't know who they are, but they're probably desert lovers too.

jon the master builder

2006-09-25T14:52:00.000-07:00

While in San Diego this weekend my brother Jon took us on a tour of the house he's been overseeing the remodel of for the past six months. Its really quite an amazing home, and I'm so impressed with Jon! (Not that he was unimpressive before.) He's done a lot of it himself, and it is truly master craftsmanship.

Now, in the pictures below however, you will see the style of the homeowner, which is ... different, we'll say. The house looks like something pulled straight off the plains of Mexico, with its bright colors and rounded architecture. But its really quite an amazing home, and I hope I get to see the finished product (they're hoping to finish by Thanksgiving).

This is the orange living room with a turquoise niche in the wall.

This is the master bedroom closet .... which I wish to high heaven was mine. I had Caleb stand in there so later, when we're filthy rich, we can refer to exactly the kind of closet size I was looking for.

This is a mosaic that is on the wall in the downstairs guest bathroom. The walls are painted in ocean hues and it literally feels like you're under water. Its actually very cool.

This is Jon in the back yard. He designed all the brickwork in the floor, which you can't really see from this picture, but its a very cool design.

This is Caleb and I standing in the framed doorway from the back yard to the side yard. Its very orange.

a day in julian, california

2006-09-25T14:21:00.000-07:00

This last weekend Caleb and I went down to San Diego for a mini-vacation. We left after work on Friday and arrived at my Uncle Dave and Aunt Jean's house around 10. Their home would serve as our Bed & Breakfast for the weekend. And it actually kind of was! We slept in on Saturday morning and then just sat around and chatted with Jean and Dave. After we got ourselves showered and ready we spent the rest of the afternoon driving up to Julian and wandering its quaint Main Street. We ate at a soda fountain restaurant (see first picture below), where we were served GIANT meals. So we walked around town for a bit to work some of that off before we tried some world famous pie from the Julian Pie Company. It was definitely some of the best pie I'd ever eaten.

That night Jon and Julie came up to Jean and Dave's and we watched the USC game, during which we ate a fabulous dinner made by Jean (the boys were forced to leave the TV for the meal). Then it was back to the TV where we caught several other games, both football and baseball. It was quite the "game night."

On Sunday we spent time at Jon and Julie's hanging out, eating another huge meal (this time from a local BBQ place they love, and for good reason), and we saw the house remodel Jon's been working on for the past six months. It was really good to get some time with them. Then on our way back up home we stopped by Bob and Beth's in San Clemente for a couple hours (Caleb's aunt and uncle).

We didn't make it home until after 9:30 Sunday night, but the weekend was a good one. We got to see a host of people we've been meaning to see for a while, and had some good mini-vacation time of our own.

Enjoy the pictures below!

Caleb under the sign where we ate lunch.

Ah ... the famous Julian Pie Company.

Caleb eating his apple pie.

I had a piece of boysenberry apple crumb pie. Mmmmmmm.

a night at the bowl

2006-09-22T12:52:00.000-07:00

On Saturday evening, September 16, Caleb and I went to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. We had such a fun evening. We packed a picnic dinner in our new picnic backpack we got from Lucas and Christie for the wedding. It kept everything cold!After hitting more traffic than we thought we would, we finally arrived at the L.A. Zoo around 6. From there we were picked up by a Bowl shuttle that carried us the rest of the way up to the theater.

With blankets and picnic in hand we headed up toward our seats, found a spot just outside the entrance, and set up our dinner on the curb, among hundreds of other Bowl picnickers. Our dinner was complete with fancy sandwiches, potato salad, fruit, chips, homemade cookies and sparkling cider.

We got to our seats about 45 minutes before the actual concert started and enjoyed just people watching as the 18,000-person capacity theater slowly filled up.

The concert itself turned out to be one of the conductor's farewell concerts. John Mauceri has been the Hollywood Bowl Orchestra conductor for 16 years, but is leaving to take a post at a school back east. He talked quite a bit during the show, summing up what its been like to live in L.A. and conduct the orchestra for so long. He was extremely well spoken with a great sense of humor. Then, our show included a wide variety of numbers, including some new compositions never performed before. We heard an opera singer sing a couple songs from Candide (she was one of my favorite parts of the night). There was a ballet performed by members of the Joffrey Ballet. And of course, Miss Piggy and Kermit each did a couple songs. The show "ended" with a fireworks show. Only, as all great concerts are never really over when they end, there were several encores. The night was only over when he walked back on stage only to take the concertmaster backstage with him.

It was a fun night with great music, good food, and my favorite company. A night at the Hollywood Bowl has started to become a tradition for our summers (last summer we saw a John Williams concert), and I look forward to going again next summer!

they made us believe there was a chance

2006-09-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

Here we are in our Angels red!

A couple weeks ago Caleb and I scored awesome first-base-line tickets to an Angels vs. Orioles game (see pict. #2 for proof of seat awesomeness). We had such a blast ... the seats were front row in the first balcony, and padded! There were menues and waitresses to take orders and bring us stuff! We personally didn't 'cause we'd eaten hot dogs at home before we left, but STILL. We could have if we'd wanted to.

What made this game an extra special one to have good seats for was that it was won by the Angels in the bottom of the 10th inning with a walk-off three-run homerun by my personal favorite, Adam Kennedy. In an instant the entire crowd was on their feet cheering and all the players ran on to the field to dog pile Kennedy. And our faith in the 2002 World Series champions was restored. It was one of the most exciting baseball games of the season, and we got to be there!

We're going to a game next week, Angels vs. A's. If the Angels had only CONTINUED to play well since that Orioles series, the game might have counted for something. But, since the A's are umpteen games ahead of the Angels in the race for the pennant, it looks like next week's game will probably be practice for next season. And, we'll be back in the nosebleed section, using oxygen tanks and a sherpa just to get to our seats. But there are six of us going, and we'll make it fun. There's just nothing more apple pie-American than going to a baseball game.

a new look

2006-09-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

As you can see, I've been playing around with my blog, completely changing the look of it. I'm awfully sorry if you preferred the green and black "eden" design that I had before, but I thought this one suited me a little better. I love brown, and I love parchment paper (who doesn't?), and I love bookmarks (even though I rarely use a real one, often substituting a receipt or Kleenex instead). So this design seemed a more perfect way to go. Besides, I'm one of those people who would rearrange my furniture regularly if it were practical (and my husband were willing to help) ... I love to try new looks to things, rearrange and reorganize. However, and I'm sure my husband would agree, changing around the look of my blog is a much happier and less sweaty pursuit. Anyway, I hope you like the new look.

my own eulogy

2006-09-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

Last night my poor husband had to sit next to me on the couch while I cried through the entire one-hour memorial service for Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter. Even today I can't get it out of my head (of course, it doesn't help that the memorial service is headline news on every major news site this morning). Now, admittedly, I'm an emotional person, and crying is something that hits me pretty easily. On the wrong day I'll cry at a sad song on the radio or a silly TV commercial about a dad taking his daughter on a business trip.

Even so, I never knew Steve Irwin personally. I've never been to Australia or to his zoo. In fact, in the last couple years my dedication to his show has waned, and I've started finding other Animal Planet shows I prefer (please don't tell). And yet his death has been so sad. What was it about this particular man that touched the hearts of so many worldwide, and made me actually cry in sadness over his death? He was a lunatic: jumping into crocodile-infested waters head first, grabbing poisonous snakes by the tail, and chasing giant Komodo Dragons down the beach. His untimely death was something we should have expected on a daily basis, and yet somehow he seemed invincible. His antics were pure lunacy, and yet somehow endearing. Its so ironic that his death was caused by a usually docile and gentle creature, while filming a kids show, no less. And like Russell Crowe himself said last night in a tribute, its simply unfair.

But there's something more about who Steve Irwin was that touched the world. Yes, he was crazy. But his passion and his enthusiasm were centered. His lunacy was focused. He was exactly who he seemed to be: a passionate family man, a man truly fascinated by the world around him, and wholly interested in saving and building and preserving it. I'm not a big Kevin Costner fan (well, except for Dances with Wolves and Field of Dreams), but he summed it up pretty well in saying Steve Irwin was brave enough to show the world who he really was. And that is a hard thing to do in a day and age of microscopic scrutiny of our very beings. It was these qualities that helped him effect some real changes on an international scale. It was these qualities that endeared him to people on an international scale.

And so I wonder if each of us found in Steve Irwin a little bit of who we'd like to be. Enthusiastic, passionate, real, and a little bit crazy. He captured the imagination of the world while he taught us to love the crocodiles and the snakes and the lizards. He was truly a remarkable man. And even though I didn't know him, it still feels like we've lost a friend.

There is another side of Steve Irwin's death that has struck a chord within me. Steve's death was untimely, and really, it was unfair. Death from a stingray's sting is highly unusual; how ironic that it should kill a man who daily wrestled crocodiles and snakes. He was only 44, and left behind a wife and two young children (the ones for whom my heart truly grieves). For me, it's a reminder to live life well, and to live it well today, because we don't know what tomorrow might hold.

That's one of the things that made him unique ... he never wasted a day of his life. And maybe that's another quality he had that the rest of us envy a little. He DID live his life fully, he made every day count, and so even at just 44, he leaves behind an amazing worldwide legacy. Steve's family, his friends, will never have to wonder what he truly cared about or how he felt about them. And that is a blessing indeed. Wouldn't we all like to do the same? Today is the day to go after the thing we've only been dreaming about, today is the day to jump into the croc-infested waters head first. Yes, we might crack a rib or break a finger, but what if it's the last chance we have? (Please excuse my cheesy analogies.) Today is the day to go after the things we're passionate about, the things we believe in, the things we might be nervous about doing. Because there might not be a tomorrow.

The one main thing left nagging about all this is I have no idea if Steve ever wrestled with God. A friend of Amy's insists Terri is a Christian because she grew up at the same church in Oregon as he did. But a belief in God was never real evident, at least through the TV shows and interviews I've seen. Hopefully, Terri at least has that in the back of her head somewhere, and in her time of grief that somehow she can find and cling to Him. I only pray that through Steve's death, God does amazing things in the lives of his family, and all who knew him.

the babies are here!

2006-09-18T09:44:00.000-07:00

Caleb and I are are now Uncle Caleb and Aunt Heidi!

Friday night Lucas and Christie decided to go to the hospital when Christie's stomach ache seemed only to be getting worse. Well, her bad stomach ache turned out to be pre-eclempsia, and the doctors decided it was time for her babies to make their faces known to the world. Within just a couple hours of arriving at the hospital she'd been prepped for surgery and taken to the O.R. Both Lucas and Christie's mom were able to be in the operating room, and she gave birth to two healthy baby boys. Conrad Robert came first, weighing in at 5 lb 4 oz, and Burke Edward followed him just a minute later, weighing in at 5 lb 11 oz. The babies are technically premature, so they're being held in the NICU for now, just down the hall from Christie's room, where she's recovering from the C-section. Under the condition that we scrubbed our arms clean until they bled, we got to go in and see them for ourselves yesterday afternoon. What an honor. I can't wait to get to actually hold them for myself.

Conrad will most likely get to go home with mom when she's released on Thursday. Burke will spend a little more time in the hospital than Conrad, as he's still learning to breathe right, but that shouldn't take long and he'll be home in no time.

Congratulations Lucas and Christie! We're absolutely thrilled.

(I was a retard and didn't take pictures myself yesterday, but you can see the dublets for yourself at their website: http://www.dublets.blogspot.com/. Or you can click on the link at the right, The Dublets.)

welcome to the family!

2006-09-10T15:57:00.000-07:00

Well, we have another wedding on the way! Yesterday, my brother David proposed to his girlfriend Rachel, and she said yes! As we all knew she would. We got to sit last night and hear David tell the whole story of his own nervousness, which of course lasted up until the very moment he finally popped the question. They had a long day yesterday, but are living in lots of happiness now. The wedding is planned for next Summer.

What's so fun about this wedding, as so many weddings in this family before it, is that David and Rachel are MADE for each other. They're perfect for each other, and there isn't a doubt in anyone's mind that they belong together. She also fits into the family perfectly already, and I'm excited to add another sister to the fold. Its a great match and an exciting beginning. Congratulations David and Rachel!

Its been so fun to watch this family grow. First we added Julie when Jon got married, then Caleb when I got married, and now Rachel, all within just a couple years. I don't imagine it will be too long before Amy finds her own perfect match, and some of these other couples start bringing children of their own into the family. Its a fun new phase in the Hammer family world, and I'm loving watching it grow. For now, we'll focus on getting David and Rachel properly hitched. It should be a blast.

yay for vacation!

2006-09-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

This morning Caleb and I went to Long Beach to visit Amy, see her apartment and have breakfast. Something she and Esther said in passing this morning has kind of stuck with me. They've decided to treat weekends like vacation. Amy woke up this morning at 7 and the first thing she said to herself was, "Oooh, its vacation!" You do things differently when you're on vacation. You watch a movie first thing in the morning (like Amy did this morning), you read a book, wander through a book store or go to a museum. You relax more. You don't think so much about having to go back to work on Monday. And so I've decided to take to heart Esther and Amy's new take on weekends.

So again, today is Saturday, and tomorrow is Sunday, my own personal 2-day vacation. We went out to breakfast, took a nap, and now I'm sitting and watching Animal Planet in the middle of the day. Caleb's sitting beside me playing Warcraft. Later I'm going to a spa product party at Dorie's, and tonight we're having dessert at Mom and Dad's. Dad just got back from an 11-day backpack yesterday, so I'm looking forward to hearing his stories. Tomorrow we'll go to church, and then ... who knows? We're on vacation, we'll do whatever strikes our fancy at the time. I might even eat ice cream for lunch and then take another nap.

Yay for Vacation!

four-month anniversary

2006-09-06T16:00:00.000-07:00

Caleb and I were married four months ago today. I realize that the word "anniversary" literally indicates the passing of an entire year. However, I am convinced that when you're talking about your first year of marriage, each month, in a way, is full of enough stuff to last most people a year. So we've decided that for the first year, we get to celebrate every month. The learning curve has been steep, with more changes than I'll probably experience each year of the rest of my life.

Don't believe me? Well, let me explain. Just two weeks before I got married I quit my job (a rather traumatic experience on its own) and started a new one. I put in five days before taking the two weeks off for the wedding and honeymoon. I concluded four months of hectic wedding planning, I got married, went on a honeymoon to Canada (where we were both sick), then on my return home, I moved. And I moved in with a man, no less. I'd never lived with a man before. Then, just a week after moving I went to the social security office and the DMV and changed my name. I was no longer a Hammer, but a Weston. Even four months later sometimes I forget. Those first couple months of marriage were filled with fixing up the condo, getting used to a new job, shopping and cooking for two, combining our finances and our DVDs, coordinating schedules between families and friends. And then to add to the flurry of change, Caleb's grandmother got sick. After six weeks in the hospital she finally succumbed to pancreatic cancer and a paralyzed stomach. I don't think I realized until it was over just how draining that was. And now, just as things seem to be settling a little, we're heading into October, a big birthday month, and then the holidays.

All the while we're getting used to living with each other, being in each other's business all the time, leaving our stuff out in the other person's way, dealing with way different sleeping schedules (he only needs about 6 hours and is a morning person, I do best on 9 and I ... well ... I don't do mornings), and we still don't know just what color to paint the study. We still need to finish combining our finances and knowing what bills the other person is paying, the study still isn't really usable, the guest toilet simply does not want to be fixed, and I think the bouganvilla is going to die. We've missed friends who've been in town for short times and there are people we haven't contacted since the wedding that I'm sure think we got married and MOVED to Canada. To each of you, and you know who you are, I promise the dust will settle .... eventually.

However, for all its stress and change and chaos, getting married has been the best thing I have ever done. First of all, I married my best friend, the man of my dreams. And with each month, week, even day, that passes, I find myself even more smitten by the man I now get to come home to every day. Overriding the challenges that newlywedhood has brought on is a love that truly surpasses everything. Its amazing. I don't want to get too mushy here in this public place, but Caleb is truly the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love and appreciate him more each day, and continue to be awed by his sincere care and love for me. Its the very love every girl dreams about her whole life. And here I get to have it, every day, for as long as God lets us walk this earth. I feel nothing but truly blessed. I am blessed far beyond anything I have ever earned or deserve. Ever. And yet here I am, living the fairy tale ... Yes, its a fairy tale, even though there are paint colors to be chosen and the plants are dying and I can't shop as frivolously as I used to. I wouldn't change a thing. I love being married to the right man at the right time.

I'm embarrassed to say the following quotation actually comes from Ann Landers, but its still very true of my life right now: "If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough." I know we've only been married four months, and the years ahead will teach us so much more, but I know that Caleb and I will always be there for each other, to help the other reach heights previously out of reach, to encourage each other to things we wouldn't have dared before. I look forward to my life with him. It will be a life full of love, and I am truly a believer that with love, we can accomplish anything.

the crocodile hunter

2006-09-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

By the time any of you read this blog entry, you'll probably have already learned about the death of the famed Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin. My brother David first introduced us to Steve Irwin about 10 years ago, and our whole family has followed him ever since. He always seemed so invincible, tempting fate and flirting with death on a daily basis as he tackled crocodiles and handled deadly snakes. All the while we were more entertainted than we'd ever been by a guy explaining to us the formerly-boring world of reptiles. As it turns out his demise came about while filming an underwater documentary, by a stingray wound. I only learned about his death a few minutes ago, and that article was only written about 10 minutes before I read it, so we'll all be learning a lot more in the coming days. As crazy as he was, we never thought his antics would actually lead to his end. He was Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, invincible.

As we learn more, our hearts go out to his wife and kids. I don't doubt his loss will be felt the world over. And I know it sounds incredibly cheesy, but I'm actually going to miss him. And whether you admit it or not, you know you're going to miss him too.

not-so-little miracles

2006-09-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

This is Debbie and Ashya Marie Hupp, central characters in a recent miracle that took place right here in our hometown of Fullerton, California. This picture was taken the first week Ashya was at home, which was three months after she was born. Ashya was not content just hanging out in Debbie's womb, so she decided to make her presence known to the world about 3 months early, weighing in at just under 2 pounds. The tiniest premie diapers almost covered the entire lower half of her body. Soon after delivery she was ushered into an incubator in the NICU at St. Jude's Hospital, where she would spend the next 2 1/2 months. Maybe if Ashya had known that, she'd have stayed warm and cozy inside Deb a little longer. But I think her adventurous nature must have gotten the better of her. I only hope for Paul and Deb's sake, she's not as adventurous throughout life, or they've really got their work cut out for them.

This little, and yet no-so-little, hometown miracle leaves me in awe of God once again. The miracle of life is, in and of itself, a miracle. And yet Ashya decided to test things a little further, and make her start in life a little bit more ... dramatic. But she is no match for the mighty hand of God. And here she is, finally at home with Mom and Dad where she belongs. She weighs in at 5 pounds now, and has grown an inch in her first week at home!

God also took amazing care of Paul and Deb, first-time parents navigating a kind of parenthood most people don't experience in a lifetime. They were surrounded by friends and family who love them, and most importantly held up by a God who cares more deeply for them, and their little girl, than they can fathom. They weathered this storm with more grace and humility than most people handle getting caught in traffic.

We get to hang out withPaul and Deb this week, and I look forward to getting to hold this little miracle myself, and look full in the face of God's goodness, grace and love. It truly is an awesome God we serve.

Debbie has put together a video montage of Ashya's first few months. If you're interested in viewing, copy and paste the following link into your browser: http://www.onetruemedia.com/otm_site/view_shared?p=11d9ee4febe9eb0062b12c&skin_id=0&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=email

amy's birthday (8-27-06)

2006-08-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

Well, the youngest among the Hammer clan has turned 24. Though Amy's birthday was actually on Sunday, we celebrated the day before. Saturday was full of shopping for myself, Mom and Amy. We went to Pasadena and spent a couple hours in Anthropologie, where she spent most of her birthday money. Then we went to the Brea mall for MORE shopping. The day was followed by an evening of eating, LOTS of eating. Mom prepared a 5-course meal, complete with appetizers and two kinds of dessert! It was so great to have the whole family up. Even Jon and Julie were in town from San Diego. Well, Happy Birthday Amy! I hope the day was all you hoped it would be. Maybe next year you'll get the bike.

I just need to take a quick moment and comment on the fabulous creativity and patience of our mother. She made this afghan for Amy for her birthday. That's nearly 300 little crocheted squares, which were then sewn together, after which she crocheted several rows around the whole thing. Its AMAZING! And inspiring. Mom, you truly are talented, and don't let anyone ever tell you differently. Oh, and how do I get one?

the wedding

2006-08-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

On May 6, 2006, Caleb Weston and I were married. The day was exactly a year from our first date, it was my dream ceremony, held at the church I grew up in. My grandpa did the ceremony and almost everyone important to me was there. Most importantly, I married the man of my dreams, making the day absolutely perfect.

For the rest of the photos, click the link to the right that says WEDDING PHOTOS, and I hope you enjoy reliving our special day. It really was one of the very best days of my life. More blogging to come!

Mt. Whitney

2006-08-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

For a long time now I've wanted to post, pictorially, my trek up the Continental United States' tallest peak, Mt. Whitney. It stands 14,465 feet high, a rather intimidating monolith, jutting up among the Eastern Sierra Nevada range. Climbing it has been on the my list of 100 things to do before I die for a long time, and in August of 2005, I did it. My dad and Caleb (at the time just my boyfriend) came with me. We had a great time, and conquered the mountain. Below you'll find a few pictures of the event. If you look to the links in the sidebar at the right, you can go to a page with a more complete summary of our two-day trip.

After more than 3 hours in the car, we can finally see the mountain almost hidden in the range.

We were up early on Sunday morning, packing and getting ready to hike ...

Dad's ready!

Last chance to turn back ...

We would do this for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and ....

Gotta pause for a few picturesque moments ....

This is actually the area where we camped for the night. Unfortunately, there were no campsites on the grass ... we pretty much slept on granite slab. But the scenery was nice.

See the granite slab? This is early the morning we climbed the summit. I'm standing in our campsite. The day started out cold, but beautiful.

When we finally reached the top, I got to do what I'd wanted forever to do ... sign the guest book at 14,495 feet up. The top of the world. My name is there now! (So are Caleb's and my dad's.)

Me and my dad ... this was his third time up the mountain.

Me and Caleb ... on top of the world.

And then we had to come back down. We walked from the summit to the car that day ... getting back long after dark. We got to Carl's Jr. for dinner JUST before they closed for the night at 10. And then we drove the 3 hours home, every muscle in our bodies longing for a good massage, sleep, spa ... something! However, as sore as we were, we were conquerers, overcomers, climbers, adventureres, explorers. We'd beaten the odds, climbed the mountain, proven to ourselves it wouldn't beat us. That night, we were sore, but we were content. And boy did we sleep well.

Welcome!

2006-08-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

Many of you have probably seen this picture, because it was part of our wedding invitation. But I thought it a good beginning for my first-ever blog, and hopefully it will welcome you in, like an old blanket, familiar and comfy. I'm still learning this whole blogging thing, but having a blast. Check back now and then and you're sure to be entertained.

2006-04-12T20:06:00.000-07:00